Rob Green makes the following observation related to perception and marriage. He describes a couple who are in the midst of a conflict.
The difficulties, failure to solve problems, and lack of finding their joy in Christ led this “couple” to the point where their perception of each other was dominated by bitterness, anger, and believing the worst about the other. They wore glasses polarized to see the events of life as critical, demeaning, and condescending. As a result, acts of love, kindness, and care were filtered out like UV rays from a pair of quality sunglasses.
It should come as no surprise that one’s understanding of these “acts of war” then set in motion another series of thoughts, words, and actions that only made the conflict worse.
He considers and explains the following four implications and solution:
First, do you look at your spouse and/or your children through the lens of grace?
Second, when you question the motives and actions of another person, do you choose to believe the best (give them the benefit of the doubt) or are you more likely to believe the worst about them and their actions (love polarizes events to see the best in those events – 1 Corinthians 13:7)?
Third, do you exaggerate situations to make others look worse than they are?
Fourth, when ministering to others do you consider how their perceptions of their reality are influencing their thoughts, words, and actions?
The solution, stated simply, is to follow the example set by our Savior who chooses not to treat us as our sins deserve (Hebrews 8:12), who covers us with his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:17), and who has a character defined by graciousness, compassion, being slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and truth, and forgiveness (Exodus 34:6).
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