Can a married couple have anal sex? Is it a sin to have anal sex? What is permissible? Having counseled for over twenty years, this question is fairly new among Christ-followers. I think there are at least two main reasons engaged and married couples consider this question: first and primarily, anal sex is all over pornography; and second, it is glamorized in the pop-culture media. Especially among teenagers and young adults, anal sex is an issue to consider and understand. Furthermore, popular pastor and author Mark Driscoll, alongside his wife Grace, in their book, Real Marriage, not only suggest it is permissible, but seem to encourage it (ch 10).

Today we focus on “What does the Bible teach about anal sex?”

Is anal sex sodomy?

The term sodomy does not occur in the Bible. The term itself comes from the story of Lot and Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19). In this account, a large group of men seek to commit homosexual sin with two angels who appeared in the form of men. The clear indication of the text is that these men desired forcible anal sex with these two angels. Lot prevented them as long as possible, but the men kept pressing toward his house. The angels rescued Lot and caused blindness among the men. Although the term anal sex is not mentioned in the biblical story, anal sex became known as the sin of Sodom or sodomy (and in verb form sodomize).

In common use, the term developed to include more than just homosexual, anal sex. Sodomy includes “anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex, copulation with a member of the same sex, and bestiality.” In modern use then, related to sex in marriage, sodomy includes anal sex and oral sex.

There is a difference between the biblical definition and the modern definition of sodomy. As the term is used in the English language, anal sex is sodomy. In biblical language, sodomy is homosexual anal sex. The sin of Sodom does not refer to anal sex between a husband and wife in a marriage context.

Is anal sex sinful, unwise, or permissible?

In the previous blog, I developed six questions to consider related to sexual activity in marriage. These six questions help identify whether a particular act in marriage is sinful, unwise, or permissible. They provide us guidance as we answer this question.

1. Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? Here we seek direct evidence from the Scriptures that provides specific direction as to whether an act is sanctioned and required or forbidden. The Bible never mentions anal sex. We want to exercise extreme caution then. As followers of Christ, we should not declare a particular thing sin when the Bible does not call it a sin, nor should we ever declare a specific thing not a sin if in fact the Bible does declare it a sin. In this case, the Bible never mentions it. Therefore, we cannot turn to a particular verse and specifically call anal sex a sin. Although it would be nice to have a specific verse to determine its sinfulness, there are additional criteria to help us discern if in fact anal sex is a sin. Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? No
2. Is it unnatural? Anyway you consider this question, anal sex would not be considered natural. According to the Bible, it is declared unnatural in regard to homosexuality. In regard to creation and functioning the way God intended for a man and woman to function, it is not natural. The rectum is not designed for entry and thrusting. The muscles around the anal orifice at the opening of the rectum are exclusively intended to push out in order to rid the body of waste. Contrary to the anal orifice, the vaginal orifice was designed for the vigorous thrusting of intercourse and childbirth, with both its natural lubrication and muscle structure. Clearly one is natural (vaginal intercourse) and the other is not (anal intercourse). Is it unnatural? Yes.
3. Is it unhealthy or could it cause harm? Is it unloving? As discussed in the previous blog, this issue relates to love. Love seeks the highest good of the neighbor; that is, whatever is best and that which does not harm physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. In consideration of anal sex, it can both be unhealthy and cause harm. According to Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their book The Gift of Sex, they identify anal sex as dangerous. They write, “The anus is highly contaminated, whereas the reproductive tract is sterile in men and clean in women. When the penis enters the anus, there is high risk of infections and prostate problems. If the penis enters the vagina after having been in the anus, the woman’s reproductive tract can easily become infected” (215-216). Furthermore, anal intercourse can lead to fecal incontinence, increased risks of anal cancer, tears of the lining of the colon or the rectual tissue, risk of infection, and hemorrhoids. These issues are dangerous and could cause harm.[1]  Is it unhealthy or could it cause harm? Is it unloving? Yes.
4. Is it unkind? Is it unloving? This question relates to a different expression of love; mainly, is it kind? Wherever there is anything unkind in the sexual relationship, the lack of kindness or the failure to show love is wrong. Often with anal sex there is increased pain, discomfort, bleeding, risk of infection, and rarely produces any kind of orgasm. For these reasons, one must ask the question, Why would a husband want his wife to go through this? On every level, this seems unkind and unloving.[2] Is it unkind? Is it unloving? Yes.
5. Is it against the conscience of the spouse? If a desired activity by either spouse is not consistent with the conscience of the other spouse, then the request for the sexual act needs to be dropped. If the spouse with the bothered conscience is coerced in participating, the manipulating spouse has encouraged sin. To do anything against one’s conscience is sin; in other words, to not be able to do something in faith is sin (Rom 14:19-23). Therefore, if either spouse does not want to participate in anal sex because of conscience, then the only thing in this instance that honors God is to pass on that request. Is it against the conscience of the spouse? Depends, each case would be different.
6. What is your motive? What is the condition of your heart? This final question relates to the motive of the one seeking a particular sex act. (I have discussed this earlier here, here, and here.) As we wrote in the earlier blog, consider these questions. Why does he or she want to do this? Is it love? Is it motivated by the desire to give? Does it fulfill the purpose of glorifying God? Will it enhance the worship experience of sex together? Or are there other motives? Is it driven by selfishness? Is it driven by the lust of the flesh? Is the spouse who desires this particular act doing so because of pornography, fantasies, regular masturbation, or other experiences which make routine sex with his or her spouse seem boring? Does he or she believe that their typical sex can no longer satisfy? My counseling experience suggests that usually the husband demanding anal sex has a lust problem and a history of pornography. If this is in fact the case, the husband needs to get biblical counseling that focuses on Christ-centered help from the gospel where he is encouraged to repent, forsake pornography, replace sinful thoughts with God-honoring thoughts, change his motivation, and learn to sacrificially serve his wife in loving ways. What is your motive? What is the condition of your heart? Depends, each case would be different.

Is Anal Sex Sinful?

What makes a particular act sinful?

• If the Bible prohibits it (question one), it is sinful. In this case, the Bible does not prohibit it by name.
• If you answer “Yes” to any of the questions two through five, then the act is sinful. In this case, it was determined by Yes responses that it is unnatural, could cause harm, and is unkind. It also possibly would be against the conscience of the spouse.
• If your motive is wrong (question six), then it is sinful. Each person would have to answer this question individually.

Is anal sex sinful? Yes

Do you have questions, concerns, or comments for me? I would love to hear from you. Please Click Here

A Special Note to Women from Martha Peace

Women, I encourage you to keep reading the following statement from Martha Peace. As I researched this topic, I spend some time discussing this issue with her. She is a dear friend and fellow biblical counselor. She graciously consented to writing the following statement to women regarding anal sex. I am grateful for her contribution and am satisfied that my six-question guidance questions produced the appropriate conclusion to the question, Is anal sex sinful.

As a biblical counselor to women and a Registered Nurse, I have occasionally been asked about anal sex. Almost every time, the woman was embarrassed to tell me what her husband was desiring. I don’t recall that I ever counseled a woman who was comfortable participating in anal sex. This is not a “freedom in the Lord” issue between consenting married couples. Embarrassment aside, it is clearly a sin against God and the wife. There are several reasons for this. It is almost always painful. It is dangerous to the health of the wife because there are bacteria in the colon and even a tiny tear could cause bacteria to seep into her blood stream and result in sepsis which is life-threatening. Of course, the rectal muscle would likely be stretched abnormally and eventually become weak and flaccid. The results being she would not be able to contain her bowel movements. It is unnatural and often homosexual men participate in this process. It is unnatural and never was God’s intent. If a husband cannot be satisfied without anal sex, then the wife should take advantage of all the biblical resources that God has given her to protect her. I would refer you to The Excellent Wife book, chapter 14. If her husband asks her to participate in anal sex, her answer has to be, “No. I would have to sin against God and my conscience to obey you in that manner.”

Martha is a Registered Nurse and is an ACBC certified biblical counselor. She is a gifted teacher who regularly trains women counselors, speaks at conferences to women, teaches women in her church, and counsels women through her church’s counseling ministry. Martha has authored a workbook, Raising Kids Without Raising Cain, and books entitled The Excellent Wife, The Study Guide to The Excellent Wife, Becoming a Titus 2 Woman, Attitudes of a Transformed Heart, Tying the Knot Tighter (co-authored with her Pastor, John Crotts), Damsels In Distress, The Faithful Parent (co-authored with Stuart Scott), and Modesty (co-authored with Kent Keller). Martha is active in her local church. She married Sanford, her high school sweetheart, in 1966. Together they have two children and twelve grandchildren.

From here, we will begin to apply these six questions to several specific sex acts that are often discussed in counseling. In preparation for the next blog on sex, you can consider this question, “What does the Bible say about oral sex?” Talk with you then.

Part 1: What You Need to Know about Sex and Why

Part 2: What is the Ultimate Purpose of Sex?

Part 3: What is the motivation for good sex?

Part 4: What are the benefits of good sex?

Part 5: What is the connection between sex and communication?

Part 6: How can you understand the struggle of a man’s desire for sex in marriage?

Part 7: How should a husband deal with his desire for sex?

Part 8: Wife, are you cheating your husband?

Part 9: Husband, are you cheating your wife?

Part 10: What Does the Bible Teach about Sex? Sex in Marriage is Pure and Holy.

Part 11: What does the Bible say about how often a married couple should have sex?

Part 12: What is a Christian Allowed to Do in Sex? What is Permissible?

KevinCarson.com | Walking together through life as friends in Christ sharing wisdom along the journey

© 2019 KEVINCARSON.COM