Have you ever considered that you are your own best or worst counselor? Every day, you talk to yourself at an estimated rate of 1,000 to 3,000 words per minute. Depending on what you say to yourself, that could be a real problem, because you are your own best or worst counselor. And, if you want to help others, you need to go to counseling regularly to learn how to counsel. It’s true; the best counselor is first a good counselee.
Truly, you must sit at the feet of the Wonderful Counselor and allow Him to bring about the comfort and change needed in your own life. Long before therapists and mental health professionals, God established counsel through His Word. In fact, He created man to be dependent on His counsel (Matt 4:4). When Adam and Eve rejected the counsel of God, misery followed (Gen 3). God has given us His authoritative and sufficient counsel for life and godliness in the Bible through our knowledge of Jesus (2 Pet 1:3). Jesus left the Holy Spirit to be the internal comforter and counselor (Rom 8). I meet with many women who have spent years in Bible study and yet find it difficult to connect the Scriptures they know to problems they need to solve. While biblical truth is the basis for all godly counsel, knowing truth and applying it is not the same thing. It’s vital to know how to take truth and push it into the hard places of your own life if you desire to help others.
Transformed by the Renewing of Our Minds
The Scripture says we are transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2). It’s in the arena of the mind where we test and approve the will of God. One of the most important aspects of self-counsel is becoming aware that inside our head, we talk to ourselves all day long. But more importantly, we need to acknowledge that we listen to ourselves!
Too often our self-talk is a monologue based on deception, part-truths or downright lies. God wants us to dialogue with Him, replacing all lies with His truth. Our thoughts must be examined and held against what God says is true about Himself, about us, and about our world. This is vital because what we think reveals what we believe and this determines how we live.
The apostle Paul wrote, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). This is active work. We are called to refute or oppose any thought that seeks to be over and against what God says it true. We are to bring every thought under God’s control and teach it to obey Christ.
It takes time and effort to recognize our internal dialogue patterns and to dismantle and replace lies and unbelief thought by thought. But Scripture doesn’t just reveal our thoughts, it also reveals the motives and intentions of our heart (Heb 4:12). God’s Spirit works through His Word to expose our innermost desires and do surgery on the heart level. As we examine our thought patterns, we begin to see what’s driving our thoughts and behaviors. Our self-counsel is not only about revealing and changing our thoughts and behaviors, but also reveals heart idols and reorients us to worship the One and only True and Living God.
Seek Wisdom from Others
A good counselor is also a good counselee who seeks wisdom from others. We are easily self-deceived. We are often discouraged. God’s grace brings us into a new family where we are called to comfort one another and carry each other’s burdens (2 Cor 1:3-11; Gal 6:1-2). It’s important not only that we learn to carry the burdens of others, but that we ask others to help carry our load when it’s too heavy.
It takes humility to ask for and receive counsel from others, but humility is exactly what we need if we are going to be useful to others. Being open to the counsel of others is especially important precisely because of the deceitfulness of sin in our own hearts (Jer 17:9; Heb 3:12-13). We need others to speak into our lives in order to recognize what we cannot see about our own hearts.
Self-Counsel is a Way of Life
Learning biblical self-counsel is not a “one and done” event; it’s a way of life. The apostle Paul wrote, “physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Tim 4:8). Later Paul reinforced this idea again: “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Tim 3:16-17, emphasis mine).
What is this training in godliness and righteousness? These words carry the idea of intentional and repetitive practice. It’s learning to gaze on the beauty of Christ and know His worth above all else (2 Cor 3:18). Further, it is having a plan of action to take the next steps to make the necessary changes that bring about Christ-likeness and God’s glory. As we “practice” biblical self-counsel, we gain wisdom and confidence to help others. And since we take our own hearts into each counseling scenario, dealing with our own hearts first is of utmost importance.
Who is a Wise Biblical Counselor?
Who is a wise biblical counselor? The Christian who is learning to self-counsel from the Word, depending on the Spirit, and interdependent on God’s people. The Bible is replete with commands to walk alongside others, to do the work of counseling by instructing, encouraging, comforting, and admonishing in the ways of God. Why? Because life is hard, and we need help and hope for the journey.
Giving and receiving spiritual direction and consolation has always been an expectation of the Christian life as a part of disciple-making. In modern times, the culture has pushed “professional counseling” and the church has failed to take up the call to counsel one another and equip the saints for “one anothering.” A biblical counselor uses the “ordinary” mean of grace, God’s Word, Spirit and His people, to become extraordinary means of comfort and change when applied by faith. A “biblical counselor” longs to see God’s glory revealed in the church as His children share their sin and suffering struggles while walking together through those struggles.
Summary of a Good Biblical Counselor
- She receives counsel as she sits regularly with the Wonderful Counselor.
- She stands on the authority and sufficiency of Scripture.
- She relies on the Holy Spirit.
- She seeks wisdom from the people of God.
- She understands the influence of her own heart on giving counsel and therefore, is actively and continually dealing with her own heart.
Self Evaluation Questions:
- How is your self-counsel? Do you have awareness of your internal self-talk? Think about an area of struggle in your life. For one week, write down “in quotations” your thoughts concerning the struggle. What did you discover about the kind of counselor you are to yourself?
- What suffering in your life has impacted you and how might it help/hurt your counseling?
- What sin in your life have you struggled with and how might it help/hurt you in counseling?
- What people are speaking into your life? Are your primary “counselors” committed to the authority and sufficiency of God’s Word and dependence on His Spirit?
- What passages or stories in Scripture remind you of the beauty of Christ?
- What commitment are you willing to make to be a better self-counselor and to make you more confident and equipped to counsel others?
About the Author:
KevinCarson.com | Walking together through life as friends in Christ sharing wisdom along the journey