Dear Fellow Pastor,
The casualty rate among pastors continues to alarm me. This week another pastor made news as he finally went public regarding his “falling away” from the faith. This year I have known several pastors who have either quit, were fired, forced out of a particular church, or disciplined out because of sin. Whereas it seemed like most of these stories related to sex issues in the past, now they include a range from abuse of authority to various character issues and, of course, sexual matters as well.
Yesterday, someone pointed out the heart-wrenching obvious. Paul Tripp’s Dangerous Calling has five highly popular pastor endorsers on its back cover. Dangerous Calling’s publication date was 2012. Of those five, only two have been faithful. The other three have lost their ministries because of personal sin and failure. Heaven help us.
Brothers in Christ, you, your family, and the churches you serve collectively hurt because we have failed to create an atmosphere of accountability, authentic friendship, and responsibility.
The Range of Difficulty
But let’s be honest. Many of you are hurting. You are doing your best to keep house and home together. Discouraged? You bet. Perplexed? Absolutely. Under water? Almost.
Let me suggest as pastors we may fall under four categories:
- The Burdened. You need help because the burden is great. As you get up to face another day, you do not know what to do. Possibly you work a second job just to feed your family. Your energy to do pastoral work resides somewhere between almost none to none. Others of you allow the burdens of church life to weaken you spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and ultimately physically. Unfaithful church members live in your brain, sadden your heart, and ultimately hurt your family. Sin becomes more and more possible simply because your soul’s ache never quits. You begin to look for a way out because of the physical, mental, and spiritual toil.
- The Prideful. For others, you need help for a different reason. Possibly one of many manifestations of pride fill your heart and life. You regularly sin against your congregation through manipulation, selfish ambition, and anger. You reign as a mini dictator. Again, a handful of pastors that I know or whose ministries are very public have been outed by their congregations for this kind of behavior in the recent past.
- The Hurting. The next group of you struggle at home. Your relationship with your wife or children privately stinks. You may try but things only seem to get worse. You recognize that a broken family is a broken ministry. The pressures bear on you.
- The Faithful. The final group maintains a consistent, faithful walk with the Lord. You work hard, love selflessly, care deeply, and lead graciously. However, even you need to check your heart, get people to help, and preemptively watch out for your soul.
Make the First Move
Friends, regardless of the group within which you fall, determine to make the first move toward help. Let’s be honest, we all need the help.
The Apostle Paul provides some starting points that may be helpful as he instructed Timothy.
6 If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. 7 But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. 8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. 9 This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance. 10 For to this end [c]we both labor and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe. 11 These things command and teach.
12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. 14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. 15 Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. 16 Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you. (1 Timothy 4:6-16)
I want to highlight (out of order in the text) a couple of key issues and questions to get you started.
Take Heed to Yourself
First, Paul points to your heart. He says to “take heed to yourself.” Begin with your own heart. Take a spiritual inventory. Consider the character lists in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 to determine how you are doing. In fact, you can start with the list Paul provides here related to your words, your conduct, your love, your faithfulness, and your purity. Be willing to admit sins like anger, lust, dishonesty, and discontentment.
Once you begin to admit what is taking place in your heart, then take the next step to get proper help, such as authentic accountability. There may be no one in your church at this point to which you can speak. Then turn outside your church to fellow pastor friends. Consider those guys that graduated with you. Pick up the phone and begin a conversation. Invite someone to talk with you, help you assess your condition, and provide you a needed voice of accountability.
These conversations are hard. I have been there. What you will find is that there are people willing to help you if you will just ask. Most are not bold enough to ask how you are doing, but that does not mean they do not care. Just say something. Begin the conversation.
If it is someone inside your church, then pick someone you can trust. You need someone that can help you without the risk of gossip, judgementalism, and heightened conflict.
Paul seeks to motivate you by helping you see that you will both save yourself and those who hear you. This is so important to consider.
Be Nourished in the Word
Second, pay close attention to your time in the Word, prayer, and meditation.
Consider your motivation for the time you spend in the Word. Do you go to the Bible just to produce material for messages, bulletin paragraphs, and devotions or do you go to the Bible to be personally challenged, encouraged, and to draw closer to God?
I recognize that you only have so much Bible time. There are only so many hours in a day. I am not suggesting you need to spend hours in the Bible for you alone and then you study for your sermons. What I am suggesting is that instead of going to the Bible first to prepare a sermon, you pay attention to the text first as a worshipper. Go to the text expecting to feed your own soul. As you do, you will have plenty of material for others.
Let me suggest one helpful way to do this: preach expository sermons from books of the Bible. At least in half of your sermons, go verse-by-verse through a text as part of a book study. Take time marinate your heart in individual paragraphs in the books of the Bible. Take one paragraph at a time and begin to determine what it means, make applications for your own walk with Christ, and then determine how you might teach it to others. Do not begin by looking for an outline or teaching portion; instead, read over it slowly for your own heart.
As a pastor, I know that your mind always works. You never quit thinking. You plan, wonder, and worry. Paul says to Timothy to employ that mind in meditation. He says then you will be a good minister because you can instruct out of your own nourishment.
Exercise
Third, you will need to exercise. Paul mentions two kinds of exercise in this text. It may be hard to do either in all honesty – bodily exercise and spiritual exercise. There is limited benefit to the bodily exercise. However, some exercise is helpful. It is good to at least walk (as you can) to allow yourself time to pray, look around at the beauty of creation, and unwind some. Get your body moving. Start with 6,000 steps and at least seek to put that in every day. As you can, move that up to at least 10,000 or more steps per day.
Further, you need to exercise yourself toward godliness. This is a disciplined practice. Yes, it is work. No, it is not always easy. However, you need it. As you exercise yourself toward godliness, the sins that so easily entangle your heart and endanger your work for God will have less effect, less hold on your heart, and less ability to sideline you.
Just Do Something toward Right
Friends, you need to take the first step.
Your marriage and family need you to be honest.
Your congregation needs you to make the first move.
Your soul longs for better days and rich nourishment.
At least reach out today and talk with someone about where you perceive your heart, your struggles, and your best path forward. Even if you do not have those answers, at least begin the conversation with someone.
Here is the bottom line: none of the three pastors on the back cover of Dangerous Calling in 2012 planned to be casualties of their own hearts and sinful condition. Yet, step-by-step, day-by-day, and choice-by-choice they moved down that path. None of us want to be there.
Let us move toward help for the glory of God, the good of God’s people, and the benefit of our own souls.
KevinCarson.com | Wisdom for Life in Christ Together
