10 Wisdom Principles for Connecting in Our Post-COVID-19 Reality by Jonathan D. Holmes

By Jonathan Holmes

Editor’s Note: Today’s blog comes from a great friend and colleague in the biblical counseling world Jonathan Holmes. As a fellow member of the Biblical Counseling Coalition Council Board, I have grown to respect, value, and love him as a friend. In today’s blog you will be well-served as you read it and consider his keen insight. 

We Are All In This Together

One of my fondest memories as a high school student was an English class in 12^th grade. We were studying British literature and were reading British sonnet writer, John Donne. Donne amassed a large collection of sonnets and poems, many of which remain popular even today. His Mediation XVII has been particularly helpful to me during this season of COVID:

PERCHANCE he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill, as that he knows not it tolls for him…

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.

Donne illustrates beautifully the reality that every human being is connected. Donne admonishes the reader to not ask for whom the bell tolls, because the bell tolls for you, the reader. Bells in Donne’s day would ring out in local villages to announce the death of someone in that community. Donne is telling the reader that when they hear the local bell announcing a death not to ask who died, rather realize that a part of you died!

Scripture echoes this idea:

“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Corinthians 12:26).

COVID has reminded us of this fundamental reality:

We are all in this together.

While you may not have contracted COVID, that in no way diminishes our collective responsibility to grieve the loss, the heartache, and the sadness of what this virus has wrought.

Our Re-entry Back Into Community

As we prepare to enter into a post-COVID world, this abiding truth of our humanity must ground our re-entry back into community. As we come back together as a country, a local community, a neighborhood – a church, how can we enter in wisely and compassionately? Here are ten helpful ways we can begin preparing.

1. Enter into people’s stories with patience, pursuit, and purpose.

I don’t know about you, but I’m eagerly looking forward to being able to look people in the eyes and have a conversation. I’m excited to hear about their day and what happened. I’m excited to see new couples who have been married and new babies that have been born; but I also expect that there will be grief and mourning for many. We are all entering into a state of collective grief and trauma.

Let’s be thoughtful about these stories and realities. For some, coming out of the shelter in place will be difficult and actually include more opportunity for anxiety. For others, it will feel like a release from prison.

In The Magician’s Nephew, Aslan tells a recently bereaved boy:

“My son, my son I know. Grief is great. Only you and I in this land know that yet. Let us be good to one another.”

Regardless of where we come from, let’s be committed to esteeming and considering other’s interests above our own (Philippians 2:3-4).

2. Seek understanding and be compassionate.

From perusing social media, I can tell that there are a variety of opinions on COVID. Some believe the government did too much, others believe they have not done enough. The author of Proverbs states it well:

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.”

As restrictions relax, and we enter back into community life, many will have opinions of what was done well and what was not done well. How can we grow in asking questions before we make pronouncements of judgment? How can we learn from others who hold to different opinions than ourselves? Above all how can we hold to Augustine’s statement?

“In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”

3. Look for ways to be generous.

Many people are being affected by COVID when it comes to their financial well-being. We see people who are unemployed, underemployed, furloughed, etc. Being generous can most certainly apply to our money. Yet, there are there additional ways we can be generous with our time, food, practical help, resources, and connections. For those who received stimulus checks and are able to help others, who in your community could be the beneficiaries of your generosity?

4. Identify what has been good, hard, and bad for others.

Not everyone has experienced the shelter in place restrictions like you have. How can you have conversations that acknowledge this reality? One way is to simply observe what Scripture seems to say about all of our realities: that it’s a mix of the good, hard, and bad. God is always up to good in the lives of those who are His (Philippians 1:6), the world we live in is broken and hard (Romans 8:19-22), and we continue to struggle with a variety of sins even as believers (Galatians 5:1-21).

5. Keep up practices that you found nourishing and life-giving.

Hopefully COVID disrupted some of our unhealthier practices and routines associated with over-work. What good practices did you put in place during your shelter in place? Meals together as a family? Family worship and devotions? Long, extended walks for conversation? Playing games together as a family? Lord willing those practices don’t end when the shelter in place ends, but rather continue into the future!

6. Examine what is of essential importance in your life.

A professor of mine in college had a saying that went something like this:

“You’ll never know God is all you need, until God is all you have.”

What has COVID revealed and exposed in your heart? Where have you misplaced your allegiances and loves? If it was your health, COVID has shown how quickly that can change. If it was your financial well-being, COVID has shown how quickly that can change. As Paul Tripp is fond of saying:

“God is taking you where you do not want to go to produce in you the change you could not on your own.”

7. Continue leaning into prayer.

When all seems dark and lost in our current age, is there anything more real, or more tangible than being able to go to our Father in prayer? Many of us, I am confident, are learning what it truly means to draw near to the Lord in prayer. When we realize there is not much we have control over, we can either despair or we can run to the All-Powerful God of this universe who is eager to draw near to us and hear our prayers (cf. Psalm 116:1-2). We have much to be thankful and grateful for.

8. Evaluate our relationships with technology.

For all those who have dumped on technology as a poor substitute for friendship and relationship (personally guilty here), I believe in many ways technology has been a great help to help us remain somewhat connected. Is it the same thing as in-person communication? No, of course not, and hopefully no one is saying that; but we would be foolish to say it’s not a gift to many in this time. Let’s be sure to keep technology in its proper place in our lives as we transition ahead. Technology is a good servant, but a terrible master. Be mindful of this truth.

9. Confess that we have taken community and relationships for granted.

A more startling reality that I have realized and heard echoed from others is the fact that many of us undervalued the community we had as a body of believers. From attending church on a Sunday to being able to gather in homes as a community group, many of us took those realities for granted. Apathy is a subtle pattern that can invade our hearts, and one which we must be ever mindful of.

10. Offer gratitude and thanksgiving to God and others.

Gratitude seems so underrated in our culture. Often, I’ve found myself with an attitude of entitlement: “I deserve _____.” Rather than an attitude of gratitude: “I am thankful for _____.” Like others, I was brought up being told that gratitude is an attitude. It’s an attitude and perspective of one who realizes that everything they have comes from the Lord. Like the psalmist in Psalm 16:8-9, 11, our hearts cry out:

“I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Grace for Today

Undoubtedly in the next few weeks and months, there will be countless hot-takes and how-to articles which will be offered post-COVID reality. Whenever the shelter-in-place restrictions begin to lift, there will be tide of inertia to pick up and resume life—a return to normalcy.

Perhaps one of the lessons we are all learning now is that returning to normal isn’t the primary goal. Instead the goal is growth in what it means to flourish and thrive where God has planted us. Be slow though about this re-entry. Be thoughtful. May we all endeavor to take each day a step at a time in the Lord’s grace.

 

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