Another heartbreaking week of news. Pastor Darrin Patrick – a pastor of Seacoast Church, founding pastor of Journey Church in St. Louis, former Vice President and one of the founders of Acts 29, and author of several books – died Thursday night of a self-inflicted gunshot wound while out target shooting with a friend. This refrain begins to sound all too common. Just eight months ago another megachurch pastor Jarrid Wilson committed suicide and before that pastor Andrew Stoecklein. This sadly is just part of the megachurch pastors list. The complete list of pastors who have taken their lives is of course much longer. Just one would be too long. Again, this is a heartbreaking and tragic trend.
Pastor Darrin had gone through some rough times in the past. He has been open with his story both in print and as he speaks with pastors and students; plus he produces podcasts for pastors to help them in their struggles. He recognized his own struggles. In his most recent podcast, he discusses friendship with Pastor Greg Surratt where he reflected on the difficulty and necessity of building real friendships, among other burdens.
Please pray for his wife Amie and four children Glory, Grace, Drew, and Delainey. Glory attends college away from home (although she is home now because of COVID-19) and the rest still live at home.
Paul Tripp responded to his death with the following Tweet: “I hate this! God help us!… weeping yet again…want to wrap my arms around my pastor brothers, hold them close, keep them safe; but I can’t…I cling to four words in my grief…Jesus is still Lord.”
Church, What Are We to Think?
No doubt, this is hard to process, isn’t it?
Why are our pastors committing suicide? What is going on? Let me suggest a few thoughts for you to at least consider.
Pastors are like everyone else and struggle too.
Understand that everyone struggles in one way or another.
In terms of suffering, everyone suffers. This of course includes your pastor. Pastors are people, human, made of flesh. As with everyone else you know, you do not know what the person next to you has or is going through, just as that person does not know about you. However, the sad reality of life on earth is that people suffer and sin. Your pastor does as well.
In the case of your pastor, of course there is personal sin since perfection still alludes the best of us. So the pastor complicates life and increases the suffering through personal sin. In addition, there is other normal suffering – like the COVID-19, the economy, the weather, health, etc. Yes, the pastor’s spouse and family cause suffering – like any family. Their mowers won’t start, batteries get low, computers crash, and everything else. If it can happen to you, it more than likely can or does happen to the pastor as well.
But there is more.
Remember though, a pastor does not simply bear the normal burdens of suffering. The pastor also carries the burdens of the church corporately and the members individually.
Corporately, the pastor bears the burden of the church as an organism, a body, and in some sense a business. The pastor longs for the church to grow in Christlikeness, love for God and each other, care for each other, to reach more people with the Gospel, and grow in discipleship. These are heavy burdens since the pastor ultimately answers for these things to God. The church is ultimately God’s church, and these people are ultimately God’s children. Don’t think for one minute that those concerns are not real and heavy.
In addition, all the cares of a normal business owner also apply to your pastor too. The church’s attendance, finances, structure, and functioning bear heavily on pastors. Most of us are trained theologically not in business. We know how to study the Bible, do research, prepare for public preaching and teaching, and then actually speak. Those things alone are hard – but at least we are trained for them. In addition, we must do those things for which we have not really received training as well. In my instance, right now we are trying to complete a building program. In all honesty, thankfully, we do not do these things alone. However, at the end of the day, we are still responsible for them.
Individually, the pastor carries the burdens of individual church members. We do not pastor the corporate body alone. We pastor individual people. What a great joy that God allows us to do that! Yet, with that great joy comes much responsibility and suffering. We long to hear individuals’ stories, walk with them through life, rejoice with them in good times, and weep with them in bad times. We listen, prayerfully consider what we hear, seek to help, and then follow up with people. The bad day one member has whether that relates to health, one’s emotions, relationally, or spiritually becomes part of the pastor’s experience. The pastor listens, cares, and wants to help bear the burden (Gal 6:1-5).
Possibly, it has been your burden in the past. Your pastor has listened, cared, prayed, and responded to you in your need. No doubt that brought you great joy as it did your pastor as well.
Now add everyone else. Your pastor did not just listen to your burden. You are not the only one. Everyone else either has a burden or has had or will have. All of those things are on your pastor’s heart, mind, agenda, and often schedule.
Please do not take this as complaining. As a pastor, I can say with confidence and in complete honesty, we do this with joy. It is a great thing when one desires to be a pastor as Paul told Timothy (1 Tim 3:1). We get to serve the Lord in a very special and honorable way. We are of all people most privileged to serve our Savior through serving His body.
However, the burdens are real. God provides us grace as He does every person, for which we are so so grateful. His grace helps! But why do we need it? We need it – your pastor needs it – because there are real burdens that we need the grace in order to bear.
Occasionally, the burdens go a bit deeper. As a pastor, we carry the corporate and individual burdens of the church. This is our privilege and our responsibility. As individuals, the church is full of sinners – just like their pastors. So we deal with the complications of our sins and over time the complications, hurts, and battle scars of those who sin against us. There is a spectrum of course. On the one hand, people, at times, are just thoughtless. They say things and do things that hurt for any one of a thousand reasons. On the other hand, people can be ruthless in their sin as they attack a pastor’s character, skill, personality, and performance. In addition, sometimes the sin is against the pastor’s spouse and children.
All of this in addition to our own sinfulness and weaknesses – which are real and complicate life aplenty.
Church, What Are We to Do?
May I suggest a few things we can do as a body and as individuals to help your pastors?
Corporately, church, take care of your pastors and their families.
As churches, we must realize that life is too complicated, technology too demanding, and schedules too full to just assume the pastor can handle everything. No doubt we must do our jobs and do them well. I believe most pastors do. Pastors typically are not of the lazy sort. Instead, they work hard and long. This is expected and necessary. However, as a church we cannot assume they can do it all. They need help, livable wages, time off, and understanding. They can only do what their body will allow.
Ask yourself how you would wish you would be handled? How would you hope that your church provided for you? What do you appreciate most about those employers you have whom you have appreciated? Now take those thoughts and compare them to your treatment and care for your pastor. Possibly, you need to do more.
Individually, as a church member, do your part.
The writer of Hebrews helps us when he writes, “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you” (Hebrews 13:17).
Help your pastor care for you with joy. Think what might make your role in your pastor’s life better. What can you personally do? What have you done in the past? Is there anything for which you should seek forgiveness? Do you need to repent of anything? Have you been thoughtless? Moreover, have you outright sinned against your pastor in your attitude, through gossip, or causing disunity? Are you a critic?
What have you done to help ease the burdens of your pastor? How have you served, encouraged, or demonstrated your love? How long has it been since you have told your pastor of your love (1 Thess 5:12-13)?
What are those things you do that make the burden easier for your pastor? If there are not very many, then please, get busy for the sake of your pastor.
What are those things you do (or have done) that makes the burden harder? For these, you ought to repent, seek forgiveness, and change.
We can all pray for each other.
Without doubt, all of us can pray for each other. Let’s pray for our pastors. If you are reading this as a pastor, let’s pray for our churches.
One last thought… Moses needed Aaron and Hur’s help. Moses was the responsible one; however Aaron and Hur helped hold his arms up for the victory (Exodus 17). In this example, Moses is in the place of the pastor. You are the one on either side like Aaron and Hur. Let’s do this together for the glory of God.
KevinCarson.com | Wisdom for Life in Christ Together
Maybe these pastors are taking on too much and expecting so much of themselves that they cannot cope. The Holy Spirit should be in direct contact with pastors teachers evangelists prophets as well as every member of the congregation. Perhaps the man made organisation is not working. Not really sure what exactly was the tipping point for this pastor from this article, however I wish his family and friends comfort peace and blessings from the Lord. We should all remember that The Lord loves all of us above any of the greatest problems that we face we must hold on to his hand. I am sure you agree. When we share with each other we must remind each other of this.
Do we even know for sure it was suicide? All press releases I’ve seen say “self-inflicted gunshot”. Could it not have been he shot himself accidentally through negligence or carelessness? Or is “self-inflicted gunshot” the new official euphemism for “suicide”?
Thank you for your comment and concern. We heard from the family that he took his own life, not an accidental shooting.
Thank you for clarifying. As a pastor who has been encouraged by Darrin Patrick’s ministry I grieve that another pastor, another person created in God’s image, came to the point of suicide. God give grace and comfort to his family.
I spoke to a member of the family this week and it is definitely not accepted by the family as intentional, at this point. The incident is still under investigation.
Thank you for your comment Brett. My information also came from a family member. I will touch base again to make sure and will edit it accordingly. Again, thank you for your concern for the family and being correct. We still need to think through these issues – if Darrin did not commit suicide then praise the Lord! – because of so many pastors who struggle and are struggling. Essentially, Darrin’s tragic story (either intentional or unintentional) provides us an opportunity to check our own hearts, consider those around us, and make adjustments.
I am concerned that at times the pressure is put on the congregation when in reality Pastors need counseling in recovery methods and survival techniques. The issues surrounding expectations in their part are out of control and many many I have met have severe pride and ego issues, even God complexes. It’s a two way street and we should spend some time training pastors how to live in the real world. Not be part of it of course, but learn how the real world works. That might help.
I appreciate your concern. Many seminaries are aware of this and strive to train future pastors in self-counsel. I have an entire category on this blog dedicated to that very issue.
This is full of good points. To balance this though, you need to listen closely to the message that Darrin so vulnerably gave at the invitation of Dr. Akin, last year in May at SEBTS. Darrin honestly shares his sin areas that led to him being asked to step down by his elders. The Biblical way that the “younger” SBC churches are doing elders (church polity) is encouraging. The Journey did it correctly. Darrin did it correctly by accepting the discipline and putting himself under the authority of others for quite a while. We have seen too many men of God begin strong and then become like Darrin became as he shares in that message from May of 2019. Ed Stetzer gave a great interview with him too.
Kevin, thank you for your insights here. Most congregations are unaware of the pressures placed upon pastors. Handing stress and suicidal thoughts is not something we were taught to deal with in Seminary.
As someone who served 20 years in Africa as a Missionary, I was unprepared for the rigors and demands of the Ameican pastoral upon my return to the Unites States.
It was a good read for me causing pause for thought. I will gladly recommend this article to other pastors.
Don Mingo
As a former pastor’s wife for 48 years and foreign missionary wife (for 27 of those years) I can understand how pastors as a whole seek earnestly to serve the Lord. I am a mother of 4 sons, 8 grandchildren, and one great granddaughter so can speak from experience.
Pastors and preachers alike have all the load of their own life and family as well as that of their congregations to carry. I have been mistreated by churches alongside of my husband because some (NOT ALL) members wanted to run the church for their own glory. They did not want anyone telling them about their own sin. We all have sin in our lives, unconfessed and confessed. A pastor has only the Lord to guide him in many cases. Even his wife and family do not understand all the weight he bears, because he does not want to burden them with these things. While my husband was alive, I encouraged him to talk to other pastors for encouragement when I knew he did not want to share something with me. Not every time was that possible when on a foreign field or in a small church where everyone thought he should never have problems. Pastors and preachers alike have unmentioned problems that they feel like they should be able to handle by themselves and God. This is when a wise wife can make or break her husband. She sometimes demands time that he is unable to devote to her and the children like other families and keeps these feelings to himself. The burden of the ministry is overwhelming sometimes, and pastors and their wives need counseling in these areas when possible.
Most church members do not understand the need their pastors and wives have to be alone and rest away from other people. Sometimes they have so much to be responsible for that getting away is considered a luxury that church members do not understand. The pastor and his family are always under the microscope of others and are not allotted the privilege of not being scrutinized in every detail. Please do not misunderstand me, I enjoyed being a pastor’s wife and miss it tremendously, but still remember those trials we went through together now that I am almost 80.
A lot of young preachers are not counseled enough before going into the ministry, consequently, when they are confronted with trials, they are not able to face them and either give up the ministry completely or commit suicide. I have witnessed this in some lives and if they had been counseled by other senior pastors, maybe they could have stayed in the fight. Some pastors have lost children through suicide or illness. The majority of people can understand this travesty when it happens, but some do not and put the blame on the pastor for not doing something right with their family life.
Church members need to understand what a great weight their pastor has to shoulder, they are human beings like them and face the same problems. What if those church members were to go through the same circumstances, would their pastor be there for them?
I apologize as I did not start out wanting to “preach” but it seems I have done so. I do not believe women are called to preach. I am an Independent Baptist by conviction and believe the Bible is correct that only men are called to preach. I have taught women in a seminary situation, but never preached to men in church. I realize sometimes it is alright to speak these things in another venue like here on FB. I have a preacher son who has had to face problems in his ministry as well, but he has had preacher brethren who have encouraged him. I pray that all preachers will seek help when needed and their churches will support them. Praying for all preachers and pastors who preach the Word of God, may God bless you and your ministries for Him!
This is such a tragic story. I feel for him and his family.
It seems that churches are too quick to return pastors to ministry. Rather than saying here is the one year path to restoration and ministry, we ought to say, here is the path to restoration with Christ. Assume there is not a return to ministry and let the person heal and grow. Some may return to ministry, some may not and should not. God will provide for His church, it will be okay if a “gifted” person does not return.