By Howard Eyrich
Editor’s Note: In today’s blog, Dr. Howard Eyrich provides us encouragement to do two things: 1) Seek to help your friend who needs help, even if that help is hard, and 2) Trust them to the truth of God’s Word. He tells the story of a hard counseling case where the friend rejects the help initially, but then comes around. The verse the friend uses is pointed; the grace and kindness of the person seeking to help her friend is powerful. In the end, the helping friend was committed to providing her friend help even at the risk of relational difficulty.
A Typical Life Struggle
Lydia was an young college senior who was experiencing great difficulties allowing herself to respond in a romantic relationship that had evidence of being proper in every way. As she shared her life story, it became evident she harbored a root of bitterness towards her father who had been unfaithful and abandoned his wife and family. When her mentor, a mature Christian woman whom she sought out to disciple her, pointed out what she heard in Lydia’s voice, she became angry shouting, “I’m done with him!”
We Are Not Left on Our Own
Have you ever found yourself struggling to not give in to a strong sinful desire? No matter which of the three categories your desire may fit (lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, or the pride of life), the writer of Hebrews says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who was tempted in every way that we are yet was without sin.”
Her consistent loving mentor pursued Lydia. Unfortunately, upon a subsequent conversation Lydia turned her anger towards her. However, the mentor was prepared for this possible response. She handed Lydia an envelope containing a 3×5 card asking her to consider the contents and prayed for her. The verse was Proverbs 13:15, “The Way of the Transgressor is hard.”
The Spirit Uses the Word
Several weeks later Lydia contacted her mentor saying, “I hated that verse because I knew it was true. My grudge has been making my life miserable since my Dad left us and I have blamed him. Now I realize it has been my choice to hold a grudge, but I do not know how to jettison it. Can you help me?”
They began meeting. Her mentor used the book, Peacemakers, by Ken Sande as a guide to walk Lydia through the Bible’s teaching on forgiveness, assuring her from the beginning that Jesus promised, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”
Implementation
Dear reader perhaps you or someone in your sphere of influence is hanging on to a grudge (bitterness) or some other sin. You and I are encouraged: “Brethren even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one…” (Gal 6:1). Sometimes to do so we must risk a relationship rift especially, if like this mentor, we must point to a verse like Proverbs 13:15.
Joy of Obedience
However, there is great reward in doing so. We give God glory by caring enough to confront. We demonstrate true love by risking rejection. We have the satisfaction of honoring the truth of God’s authoritative Word. We have the privilege of rejoicing with the angels as Jesus points out, “ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents (Lk 15:10).
Dr. Howard is married to Pam, has two adult children, and eight grandchildren. He currently teaches, is an elder, and serves as a board member of the International Association of Biblical Counselors and a fellow in the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. He has served multiple congregations as a church planter, senior pastor, and elder. He has authored multiple books and articles. Over the years, he served working on the staff of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation as Counselor and Director of Curriculum Development, the first Executive Director of then the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors (now ACBC), and has led multiple training programs in seminaries and churches. He currently serves as Director of the Doctor of Ministry Program in Biblical Counseling at Birmingham Theological Seminary.
In addition, God has allowed me to be his friend.
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