The day my friend Amy Baker asked me to write in her anticipated biblical counselor’s manual for counseling children, I was both honored and humbled. As we talked, she described the premise of her book with its anticipated chapters and helpful guidance to both biblical counselors and parents alike. Her goal was to fill a void among biblical counseling literature of a resource dedicated to helping the youngest among us face the challenges of everyday living in a broken world.
As the book releases today from New Growth Press, I rejoice in this completed work. From the publisher:
Caring for the Souls of Children equips counselors, parents, pastors, and other helpers who love children, to boldly trust in the sufficiency of Scripture for counseling. Edited by counselor and author Amy Baker, this in-depth resource begins with an overview of foundational principles for counseling children and addresses a different counseling topic in each subsequent chapter. Topics addressed include a wide variety of general and specific issues that children face including anxiety, anger, abuse, suicidal thoughts and actions, self-harm, shame, grief, disability, disease, sexual identity, and many others. Articles are written by a wide range of biblical counselors, authors, and pastors who have worked with children for many years including Amy Baker, Julie Lowe, Marty Machowski, Jessica Thompson, Jonathan Holmes, Michael R. Emlet, Garrett Higbee, Edward T. Welch, Kevin Carson, Harvest USA, Charles Hodges, Joni and Friends, Bob Kellemen, and Pam Bauer.
Under the careful eye of the editor Amy Baker, each chapter includes a helpful case study, clear guidance on how to direct the child to the hope and help of God’s Word, and a concluding section “Word to the Parents.” As you read, you will learn how to lead the suffering child tenderly to the comfort and help of our beloved Jesus Christ. After explaining foundation and methodological issues pertaining to serving children in the first three chapters, the remaining fifteen chapters deal with “Children and Their Relationships,” “Children and Their Emotions,” “Children and Their Bodies,” and “Children and Their Trauma.”
I expect this resource will bless multitude thousands of counselors, pastors, teachers, vocational and nonvocational ministers, grandparents, and parents.
Amy asked me to write about talking with children about sex.
Talking with Children about Sex
My chapter begins with the story of thirteen-year-old Ben and his struggle with pornography. The story explains how his mother Shelly asked for help in freeing Ben from the influence of pornography after he was introduced to it at a friend’s house.
Speaking with a mix of desperation, passion, anger, and concern, Shelly asked for my help. “What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to deal with him? Will you please take a few minutes as a godly man in his life to talk with him?”
The Importance of This Issue
Children face sexual images and pressures from many different sides. Even the most focused parent cannot guarantee the child can maintain purity in what he or she watches. Although the parent may desire to keep the child protected as long as possible, the likelihood of exposure looms large from one of so many various forms of available entertainment. Furthermore, as the child grows into a young adult, the changing body places additional pressure on the heart of the child. Both the child and the parent need help working through this critical season.
Biblical Principles to Guide Conversations with Children about Sex
Ben provides us a great case study to consider as counselors who help children and their parents maneuver through these unfamiliar waters—conversations that relate both to sex in general and masturbation and pornography in particular (p. 161).
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We can see how Ben’s eyes were opened to a Pandora’s box of new ideas, thoughts, and emotions related to sex. The challenge becomes how to shepherd his heart toward future sexual pleasures found within the context of God’s plan and God’s timing, and how to help him gain a vision for God’s glory with his thoughts and actions. This is particularly difficult to do when the world around him offers promises of pleasure and excitement now (p. 162).
I used my The Big Picture worksheet to help Ben and the readers in this chapter understand how you can lead your young child through the quagmire of these most intimate and crucial issues.
“The Big Picture” from Chapter 11 Talking with Children about Sex, page 163
As I unpack each of these five questions, I identify key biblical principles and concepts necessary for the child to understand what both brings the greatest pleasure to the child and best honors God.
Notice how I explain it in the latter half of the chapter:
Children need honest and beneficial conversations with their parents about sexuality. Like Shelly, many parents tend to stumble along through these conversations, feeling awkward and ill-equipped. The reality is, however, that combined with easy access to pornography, the culture’s changing views on marriage and sex, and the trend toward decreasing family time, it’s never been more important for Christian parents to be the first and best source of information about God’s good design for sex (p. 171).
The final section of this chapter seeks to provide the parents helpful words of wisdom as they tackle issues like this with godly precision and purpose.
Order Your Copy Today
To understand more about this issue and many others, please purchase your copy of Caring for the Souls of Children.
You can download a free chapter here to get a feel for this most helpful resource.
I highly recommend this resource for both counselors and parents as they seek to serve those young ones in our homes and churches related to the biblical principles of sex.
Image Credit Kevin Carson
KevinCarson.com | Wisdom for Life in Christ Together