Relationships are the backbone of any church. Of course the primary relationship is with Jesus Christ; however, the rest of the church family functions through relationships. If you have a church without good relationships where people honestly care and love each other, the church fails to image Christ well. Both Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul built strong and lasting relationships with those around them. For both of them, not every relationship went smoothly, yet they both excelled through those hard times. One of the key ways they both built strong relationships was through genuine compassion.
On this Sunday, I want to share with you a piece from a very helpful resource I’ve used over the years. I have frequently had the pleasure to teach a course on Counseling Skills Development. In it, we refer to Wayne Mack’s helpful chapter on “Developing a Helping Relationship with Counselees” from the excellent text Counseling: How To Counsel Biblically. In this piece, he provides excellent advice on how to demonstrate genuine compassion. I encourage you to read through it and apply it in your relationships at church even on this Sunday.
As Mach uses the word counselee, for the sake of your application to church life, just think of another person / friend / member of your church.
How to Develop Genuine Compassion
Perhaps you are questioning whether you have the kind of compassion Jesus and Paul had, or perhaps you are wondering how to develop such compassion. Fortunately, the Bible does not merely give us these examples, it tells us how we can emulate them. The following suggestions about developing compassion toward others are taken from Scripture.
Think about how you would feel if you were in the counselee’s position.
Many passages that refer to Jesus‘ compassion state first that he “saw” the people or He “looked upon” them. For instance, Matthew 9:36 says, “Seeing the multitudes, He felt compassion for them” (emphasis added). And the account of the mourning widow states, “When the Lord saw her, He felt compassion for her” (Luke 7:13). These verses indicate that Jesus looked thoughtfully at others who were experiencing difficulty; He put Himself in their place and intentionally tried to feel what they were feeling. His compassion for them arose from this empathy. Hebrews 4:15 says that even now in heaven He is “touched with the feeling of our infirmities” (KJV).
…in most cases, effective counseling cannot occur until the counselor has shown the counselee the compassion of Christ by identifying with his or her struggles.
Think of the counselee as a family member.
Paul said in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, “Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters.” When I counsel, I deliberately try to imagine how I would treat one of my close relatives. I ask myself, “How would I talk to them? How would I proceed if this were my mother or my father or my brother or my sister sitting across the desk from me?“‘‘ In reality, our counselees are our spiritual brothers and sisters, and our heavenly Father demands that they be treated as such.
Think about your own sinfulness.
Galatians 6:1 instructs and cautions counselors: “Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted” (emphasis added). When we become aware of sin in the counselee‘s life, we must always remember that we are not immune to sin ourselves; we can fall into it just as easily as anyone else. No one has done anything that we could not do, but for the grace of God. If we keep this in mind we will avoid becoming self–righteous or condescending toward those who sin. Instead, we will reach out to them in compassion just as Jesus did to the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11).
Think about practical ways to show compassion.
In reality, compassion is not so much an emotion as it is a choice of the will. Even if we do not feel like being kind to someone, we can still be kind (see Luke 6:27– 28). Often, feelings of love for others follow the decision to act in a way that pleases and benefits them. Use the following questions to help you determine whether you are demonstrating genuine compassion toward your counselees:
- Have you told your counselees that you care for them? (Phil. 1:8).
- Have you prayed for them and with them? (Col. 4:12-13).
- Have you rejoiced and grieved with them? (Rom. 12:15).
- Have you dealt with them gently and tenderly? (Matt. 12:20).
- Have you been tactful with them? (Prov. 15:23).
- Have you spoken graciously to them? (Col. 4:6).
- Have you continued to love and accept them even when they have rejected your counsel? (Mark 10:21).
- Have you defended them against those who mistreat and accuse them? (Matt. 12:1–7).
- Have you forgiven them for any wrong they have done to you? (Matt. 18:21-22).
- Have you been willing to meet their physical needs if necessary? (1 John 3:17).
From Pastor Kevin
I encourage you to think carefully through these four simple steps to develop and demonstrate better compassion in your church family. These steps are incredible advice to each of us and provide opportunities for self-counsel.
Do you…
- Think about how you would feel if you were in the other person’s position?
- Think of the other person as a family member?
- Think about your own sinfulness?
- Think about practical ways to show compassion to this other person?
Over the years, contemplating these steps have helped me as I have sought to develop greater compassion. My prayer for you on this Sunday is that you would seriously consider these things and seek to implement them into your life and the life of your church family as well.
Blessings on your Lord’s Day in Christ!
Image Credit Anastasiya Gepp
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