Dear friend,
In a recent survey from June 2020 by the CDC, 11% of American adults said they had considered suicide. For those between the ages of 18- to 24-year-olds, the percentage was at 26%. If you have had any thoughts about suicide, just know that you are not alone. The past many months have placed many people under a significant burden. I write this letter today to you and your friends. I am hoping to get you started on a new path as you think about your struggles.
What Leads Us to Suicidal Thoughts?
Does it surprise and scare you that you have had suicidal thoughts?
For most people it does. Where in the world do these thoughts come from? How are you supposed to react to them? What do you do?
Let me start by explaining where they come from.
Disappointment.
Something or several things in your life is or are not as you expected them or wanted them to be. At the heart of suicidal ideation is disappointment. Let me explain how this typically happens.
You want something and do not get it. Enter disappointment.
You continue to want whatever that is but, although you try, it does not come easy nor do you get what you really want. Enter discontentment.
You still want it but seemingly cannot get it. Hope for change or hope to realize your goal is lost. Enter despair.
Since you can’t get what you want, you begin to consider how you can make radical change in order to get some kind of relief. Enter destruction.
At this point, you will either decide to destroy you (this road has a million exits on it but ultimately leads toward suicide) or work at destroying others (usually in terms of relationships that you find as hurtful to you). Usually there is some mix of all of these things.
So how do you get to the place where you are considering suicide? The front door is disappointment alongside a lack of hope.
What Do Suicidal Thoughts Say?
Suicidal ideation, depending upon the individual person, say a lot. Every person’s story includes many details and individual points of thought. Your story does as well. However, your story shares elements of every other person’s story who considers suicide.
At its core, it says that you are in a battle for your soul. This is an issue of worship.
Please allow me to use a computer as an illustration.
In your computer, you have hardwired components and an operating system. The operating system at times can be just fine; however, some of the components need fixed or replaced. At other times, the components are fine but there is a problem with the operating system. If the operating system is bad, out of date, or compromised some way, although all the other hardware is fine, the computer will not work as it is intended to work.
Now related to you. For this example, your operating system is your heart. Although your hardwired components, like the way your brain works or your biology influences you, may make life difficult for you, the bigger issue is your heart. The operating system of your soul either functionally worships God and is submissive to His plan or functionally rebels against God’s plan. Either your heart desires to honor God in the midst of your tough circumstances or desires to please yourself the most.
The Bible refers to the heart as a treasure chest. Whatever it is that you treasure most is whatever it is you will serve (Matt 6:19-24).
What We Think of God and Others Matters
Whenever we treasure something, we give it great value. It could be a thought, a desire, a person, something we want, or whatever. Anything can become the focus of our heart or our treasure. Whatever it is that we are focused on becomes our treasure. As we want it more and more, our passions for it grows. To the extent we do not have then creates more and more disappointment.
If you were to slam your finger in a door, the pain focuses all of your attention on your finger that is hurt. In a similar way, the pain of disappointment and despair continues to focus more and more of your attention on whatever it is that you do not have. As you focus your attention on what you do not have, you find yourself more miserable.
The more you pay attention to what you do not have, the more miserable you become. Psalm 73 tells the story of Asaph who struggled with the same thing. As he focused on what he did not have, his heart became more angry at God. However, when he began to focus his attention on God, he broke free from his agony.
Asaph sought forgiveness from God for desiring stuff more than he desired God and His presence. He minimized God’s presence because he wanted other stuff more. The more he focused on what he wanted, the more distant and uncaring God felt to him.
God loves you and cares about you.
As Asaph realizes how his heart had focused on what he wanted more than on God, Asaph realized what a miserable condition he was really in. Notice what he says:
21 Thus my heart was grieved,
And I was vexed in my mind.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
23 Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
24 You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
26 My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:21-26)
As he focuses on the Word of God and takes his focus off of what he did not have, Asaph recognizes the significance of his struggle.
For a season, he allowed his focus to get off of God and enjoying His presence. To the extent his focus switched to what he did not have, to that same extent he grew discontent with God, His presence, His care, and His love. The result: despair and almost destruction.
Moving Forward
Where do you go from here? Let me suggest three simple steps to get you started.
First, as much as possible, focus your attention on God. Take a few moments to read Romans 8:31-38. Read over it a few times today. Begin to consider what it means and how it specifically applies to you. God loves you and cares for you.
Second, consider what it is that you want the most. What is the treasure of your heart? As a follower of Christ, ask God to forgive you for treasuring something as more important, desirable, or fulfilling than walking with your Savior.
Third, reread the story of Asaph in Psalm 73:1-28. As you observe His life and thoughts, consider how your own are similar or dissimilar.
Wherever you are today, whatever is going on in your life, whatever seems to be your struggles, I hope this will at least let you get started on thinking through the troubles in your day.
May God grant you wisdom, discernment, and courage as you begin the process of working through your disappointment.
KevinCarson.com | Wisdom for Life in Christ Together