Men – especially Pastors and People of Influence over others, this articles stands as a reminder and call to you.
Since writing The Anatomy of Failure, several have pleaded for this article. Women from various walks of life have asked why we men are not willing to identify sin, call each other out, and provide consequences for those who commit sexual sin. Others have asked why I did not rebuke Ravi Zacharias in that article as well. Regarding Ravi, he is dead. We trust his soul with the all-knowing God; God will handle him without my additional voice. The days to rebuke him have passed.
Regarding the rest of us who are men – again, especially pastors and any man who has influence over others – this article is for us.
The Necessity of Repentance
As men we must hold fast to our moral integrity. Sexual lust destroys men. The consequences of that sexual lust destroys women, children, other followers of Christ, and ministries.
If you struggle with sexual lust, take action today.
Repent.
No doubt, this is easier said than done. However, we each must renounce any visage of immoral sexual lust. We cannot walk in the light with Christ and others while at the same time walking in darkness (1 John 1:5-2:2). Where there is sin, we must see it for what it is and call it what it is. Notice what Paul says:
1 Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus.
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit. (1 Thess 4:1-8; cf., Col 3:5-7)
Paul says we ought to walk and strive to honor God in all we do. Then Paul specifically addresses purity regarding sex. He points out three specific truths that we must each take to heart. First, abstain from sexual immorality. This term is general in nature and includes all forms of sexual sin. In a technology-driven world, these sins may take on many looks. In each of those incidences, we must abstain. Second, maintain self-control over your own body. Here Paul compares your struggle in lust with the unbeliever’s struggle in lust. There should be a marked difference. The follower of Christ should not be driven by raging immoral sexual lust. Third, do not defraud another person. God called us to holiness not uncleanness. When we sin against our wives, our sisters (those we know), or virtual people (those we do not known and can only see online), we defraud them. God is the avenger of those sins because we do not simply sin against our neighbor; we sin against God who has given us the Holy Spirit.
Our response then should be to repent of these sins.
Own It.
When as a man we sin in these ways, we abuse our power. In Ravi’s story, you see time and time again he abused women to various degrees. We cannot do this personally, we cannot stand for this as a church, and we cannot stand for this as men. This abuse fails to use the role, position, and power God provides us in the home and church for His glory. Instead, we use the power God gives for our own sexual lust.
To read that Ravi would force those he molested to pray with him boggles the mind. However, we men can determine that we deserve a particular kind of treatment or experience. When we do, all bets are off. Anything can be justified when a man becomes convinced he deserves something – even if that thing is sinful in nature. Once a man is convinced he deserves it, then it becomes alright to demand it and do whatever it takes to get it. Please pay attention here. You do not deserve it. What you feel you deserve only represents what you want very badly.
We must look for places in our lives where this is the case, own it, and renounce it.
Get Help.
As men in need of help, please reach out to someone for help. We cannot afford to ignore our hearts, our lusts, or any of our actions that do not honor the Lord. Ask someone you trust to walk with you as you examine your heart desires, examine your attitude, and examine your behavior. Allow them to help you as one who is caught in sin. Work with them toward restoration (cf., Gal 6:1-5).
It is scary to get help. No one wants to reach out, let their business be known, and face the pressure of change. Many people like to talk about change but often do not really want to change. However, if you have repented of your sin against God and your neighbor, then you need to take the next step of getting help.
In cases like Ravi’s where the board at RZIM is both anonymous and where he was essentially nonaccountable to them, major changes must take place. If you are in a situation where you do not have a local church to seek help from, submit to, and walk with, then you need to find one. For nonprofits like RZIM, there must be more robust accountability. We cannot assume that leaders are nearly perfect or that any sin is past them. When people come forward like happened in this case, the board needed to listen, take it seriously, and respond appropriately. Not only did Ravi not get help, the board did not offer any.
We must reach out to those around us and get the help we need.
Consequences of Failure
The greatest consequences of failure include the man’s relationship with God and its impact on others. However, these need to be spelled out a bit more. Let me suggest three specific areas each one of us men need to consider.
Consider Your Soul.
A man who lives an immoral lifestyle as a slave to sexual lusts should fear for his eternal soul.
The Apostle Paul writes:
9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Cor 6:9-10)
If you continue in a state of constant sexual sin, then you fit the categories listed here by Paul. The idea in these terms is one of vocational choices. If you live in a certain sinful lifestyle – even if it is secret and the opposite of what you portray outwardly – then you would be considered a vocational sinner. The one who occasionally sins, seeks repentance, strives to change, and seeks to live for the Lord does not fit the category of vocational sinner; however, as one is committed to a particular sin, it seemingly does fit this category. How long? The text does not say. King Solomon died worshipping at the throne of false gods; however, none of us would say he did not have a relationship with God. But, this passage should serve as a major warning to us all.
Based upon this passage, I know that it is past me to say if Ravi went to heaven or hell. The text is clear: they do not enter the kingdom of God. He lived an ugly pattern of sin for many years. God knows and we can trust Him.
However, it is on each one of us to consider carefully whether or not we truly have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Consider Your Joy.
Joy escapes the man who chooses not to live for the Lord. With joy, so does any sense of satisfaction and contentment. Paul says that we chase sin with greediness (Eph 4:17-19). David reminds us – and he really knew – that those who commit sexual sin receive sorrow (cf., Psalm 32 and 51).
Psalm 1 explains a man is happy when he meditates on God’s Word and it becomes his delight. Further, that same man must stay off the path, stay away from the plans, and do not listen to the values of the world system. Happiness will elude you if you do any of these things.
If you live a life committed to sin, then you can expect to be miserable as well – even in the midst of your sin.
Consider Your Other Consequences.
The following list contains a number of immediate consequences that will happen if you cross the line and choose to sin immorally. These are significant. This list is initially from my friend Bill Piatt. I have edited it for my own purposes.
If I Cross the Line…
- I will have failed to keep my promise to God, self, my wife, and others.
- I will lose my ministry to my wife, family, and others.
- Others who have looked to me for godly advise will be hurt and some could become discouraged and I could make it easier for them to walk away from faithfulness to the Lord.
- I will lose friendships.
- My children will be hurt perhaps using this as an excuse for their future choices.
- I will end my ministry in shame and disgrace.
- I will have failed as a leader to my men.
- I will have given the enemy opportunity to gloat.
- I will not be able to control the consequences of my sinful choices.
- I will have broken a vow made before God, family and friends.
- I will have to face my Lord Who died for me.
- I will have sinned, missing the mark, fallen short!
- I will have to live with consequences beyond my control. Prov 6:27
- I will be reinforcing sinful habits.
- I will be reinforcing a lifestyle of soft choices.
- I will teach others that God is not good.
- I will teach others to opt out of difficult situations.
- I will teach others not to trust God.
- I will be saying to God that He is not Good.
- I will be saying to God that His gifts to me are not good!
- I will have placed personal pleasure, self focus above God.
- Mal 2:14 If I deal treacherously with the wife of my youth, God turns His ear from me.
- Prov 22:14 – The man who falls into immorality is already under judgment from the Lord. (Under wrath or curse because of inward rebellion, thought life!) God is not mocked even in our thought lives.
- Prov 6:30-35 I will evidence my lack of understanding in destroying my own person. There is no restitution possible for adultery as there would be for having stolen something.
- Prov 5:21-23 God sees it all and if I continue to sin in my secret (thought) life, I will be taken in by the cords of my own sin.
Please add your own to it.
Pay Attention Now!
Men and Pastors, please pay attention now! Paul begs you (Rom 13:11-14)! Your family begs you! Your church begs you! Others in the body of Christ beg you! Do something now.
Repent.
Consider the consequences.
Love God and serve people.
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