Editor’s Note: This is part one in a two-part blog. “3 Essential Commitments BEFORE Asking for Advice” explores what a Christ-follower must absolutely be committed to before asking for advice. Tomorrow, “3 Essential Steps WHEN Asking for Advice” lays out three critical steps in the process of asking for advice.
As a pastor and biblical counselor for many years, I often have individuals ask me for advice. In both roles, I am humbled that people do come and genuinely seek biblical advice. As they have come, I have learned as much as they through quality conversations and biblical fellowship. No doubt it is a great privilege to be asked and an incredible responsibility as well.
In a recent conversation with a missionary, he asked me about a particular situation. In the process of discussing it, he said to me, “Don’t you wish they wouldn’t have their mind made up before they ever ask you?” He explained how he noticed that when many people come for advice, the decision is already practically made, they have committed to the wisdom of their own opinion, and many times it seems that getting advice is the last thing on the to-do list. To be honest, his comment hit close to home. I have often observed basically the same things.
In our walk with Christ and in Christ together, the process of decision making occupies too important a space in daily living than to merely give it a nod on the way to doing whatever it is we simply want to do. Interesting enough, some of life’s most important decisions – because they may be very personal or will potentially hurt the one they ask – many people do not ask at all. Instead, they determine what to do and only announce it versus ask someone for advice or to pray with them about their decision.
Three Essential Commitments BEFORE Asking for Advice
As you go to others for advice, which in Christ is super important, consider the following three commitments before asking for advice.
God’s Opinion Matters Most
Before you begin to think through a particular decision and before you go to someone else to ask advice, you must recommit to this most important aspect of being a disciple of Christ: God’s opinion matters most.
Let me rephrase it: God’s Opinion Matters Most!
So many components weigh in to a decisions, especially one’s desires, feelings, and emotions. When you want to do something, your desire can expectantly tip the scale on you. You may believe that you are thinking and contemplating with great wisdom; however, your desire sneaks in and tips the scale in the direction you want in unhelpful ways. Your feelings and emotions can also produce the same result.
When you go to make a decision, your desires, feelings, and emotions often cloud the decision rather than bring it clarity.
In light of this, you must recommit to this most basic step of discipleship: God’s opinion matters most!
Why?
- “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom but fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Prov 1:7). The fear of the Lord refers to your respect and trust in God’s character, position, and authority. Since in life as a follower of Christ God matters most, then God’s opinion matters most as well.
- Jesus lived in light of the fear of God. Isaiah writes of Jesus, “His delight is in the fear of the Lord, and He shall not judge by the sight of His eyes, nor decide by the hearing of His ears;…” (Isa 11:3). Jesus made decisions with God in mind – always. In fact, as Jesus talked to His disciples, He told them, “And He who sent Me is with Me. The Father has not left Me alone, for I always do those things that please Him” (John 8:29).
- Typically, those who do not live in light of the fear of God are unbelievers according to the Bible (c.f., Rom 3:18; Gen 20:10-11; Ex 5:2; Ex 9:30).
Therefore, you must turn to the Bible for God’s authoritative opinion. Since God’s opinion matters most, the Bible must be your authority in the decision-making process. Paul wrote, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim 3:16-17). The Word of God provides you the authoritative viewpoint of God which helps you become a Christlike person in your character and conduct.
Before you ask for advice, you must settle in your heart that God’s opinion matters the absolute most in your life.
I want to live holy for the glory of God.
God desires for us to honor Him in every thing that we do. The Bible refers to this as living holy. Peter explains it to us:
Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” (1 Pet 1:13-16)
As those who follow Christ, we must live daily for the glory of God. In life, we can either live as one who follows God or choose to live as one who does not. We make a choice. However, God’s desire and will for our lives never changes. He desires for us to be holy. Holy means to live pure without sin on the level of our desires, our thoughts, our emotions, our attitude, our convictions, and our conduct. In every way, if we are going to honor Christ, we choose to live holy.
This commitment must also play into our asking for advice. Whatever decision is made and whatever advice you are given, at the end of the day, both throughout the means and the end, you must live holy for the glory of God. As Paul, whatever you eat, you drink, or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31).
I want to live wisely for the glory of God.
In addition to God’s opinion mattering most and living holy for the glory of God, as follower of Christ, we must also want to live wisely for the glory of God. It is not enough to simply answer the question, “Is it a sin?”; instead, we must also be committed to living wisely as well.
Not everything is a sin. As we face many decisions, the decision itself may not be sinful; however, just because it is not sinful does not make it wise.
James asks, “Who is wise and skilled in living among you?” (James 3:13, my translation). He then states, “Let that person show his wisdom in his daily decisions and living.”
A wise person chooses to live with wisdom from God, not wisdom from the world. In the text, James describes it as wisdom from above (James 4:17-18) and wisdom from below (James 4:14-16). Wisdom from below represents the world’s values, highlights living in the flesh, and often associates itself with pride. Whereas wisdom from God is first pure (as we discussed above) and is also “peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.”
The fear of the Lord (our first commitment above) is the first step toward wisdom. To respect God implies that you also want to live with His wisdom. In so doing, there may be many things you want to do that technically are not sinful; however, they also may not be wise. Your desire to be wise must supersede your other desires.
The writer of Hebrews makes a great point in this regard:
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
Just because a particular decision is not sinful does not make the decision wise and helpful.
Three Essential Commitments BEFORE Asking for Advice
Each of these three commitments must rule your heart before you begin asking for advice from another person. This is essential as a follower of Jesus Christ.
- God’s opinion matters most, which we get from the Bible.
- I want to live holy for the glory of God.
- I want to live wisely for the glory of God.
These commitments must be firm in your own heart BEFORE you ask anyone else for advice.
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