As a counselor who regularly deals with those who are sad and do contemplate suicide, this is a very personal article. As a suicide survivor of family who have committed suicide, I write with concern. As a parent, child, sibling, spouse, uncle, pastor, and friend, I care deeply for those around me who may be experiencing a season of very deep sadness.
An Interview on Suicide
Q1 What does a person contemplating suicide need to know?
That is a great question. I tend to simply my answer to four key thoughts:
• First, you are more loved than you can imagine right now.
I know things seem dark, hopeless, and closing in on you right now. However, I ask you to let a glimmer of light piece into your soul right now. You are loved. First, God loves you. Jesus came to earth and died for you. Not only that, but your hurt right now keeps you from seeing others who love you too. Although it may be hard to see it, there are many around you who love you, care for you, and desire what’s best for you.
• Your situation is both greater and less than what you can see right now.
It is greater meaning there is more to it. As you begin to contemplate suicide, your focus tends to narrow on a couple of key thoughts. You rehearse those things over and over to yourself. As you do this, you miss other elements to your situation that others around you can see. Further, your situation is less than what you can imagine. As big and bad and uncomfortable and uncontrollable as it seems, your situation is not all of those things. The burden of your situation feels heavy, because it is. However, if you will allow others around you to help, the burden gets much lighter. In addition, if you have a relationship with Jesus, He offers you grace to persevere in this moment through the power of the Holy Spirit. Regardless of what you have done, what you have said, what you have written, or what you have thought or believe, God offers you forgiveness, reconciliation, and cares for you.
• Your feelings and this situation are only temporary.
Whatever the darkness is around you, that darkness will lift eventually. However bad, humiliating, or embarrassing the situation seems right now, this too will pass. The sun will come up tomorrow. You will feel better. If you choose to get help today, then it may happen much sooner than you can imagine. If you will reach out, people are willing to help. If you do not know who to reach out to, then call 911 and ask for someone to come to wherever you are to help you. You must fight these feelings.
• Think of the other people around you.
People all around you will be affected by your decision you make. You can take another step, live another day, choose life. As hopeless and bad as you feel right now, to choose to end your life passes your feelings on many times to those around you. If you can allow others to help you take another step, you will both help yourself and everyone around you. You will help others even in choosing life. It is easy to believe the lie that everyone will be better off without you. This simply is not true. It is a lie. The people around you want to help you; no one wants to face the aftermath of your death.
Q2 If a person struggles with depression or anxiety, what should they do?
Talk to someone. Reach out to whomever you can to begin a conversation. If you do not know who to talk to, then contact your church or a church and reach out for help. Left alone, often people experience a spiral downward as they struggle the internal feelings of anxiety, fear, and depression. You need the voices of others who love you and are concerned about you to help you make sense of your world. The best choice by far would be to talk with a biblical counselor. A biblical counselor is one who will look to the Bible for the necessary answers provided by God and point you to a Christ-centered, God-honoring solution. (For a list of certified biblical counselors in your area: ACBC or IABC.) The National Suicide Crisis Hotline is 1-800-273-8255 or click here to chat with someone online. The Veterans Crisis Line is 1-800-273-8255 or click here to chat with someone.
Q3 What if you feel particularly alone in your struggle?
You are not alone in your suffering. You may feel alone. You may not have told anyone, so in your personal way you are alone. But in terms of suffering, everyone suffers. You do not know what the person next to you has or is going through, just as that person does not know about you. The reality of life on earth is that people suffer and sin. Often the lies we convince ourselves are true in depression include that you are the only one who suffers, no one can understand, no one has had it as bad as you, and you will never change. But friend, these are really only lies. You need the outside voice of loving others to help you.
I like to use a backpack analogy to better understand this. You may look at another person’s backpack and love the look of it. It may be incredible looking on the outside. But while they carry it, you do not know what is on the inside. You can assume some things; but in reality, you are unaware what is actually in there. The same is true in life. The people around you may suffer just as you. In fact, they do suffer. You are just unaware of their area(s) of suffering.
Q4 But what will people think if they really know all my stuff?
They will think you are normal and be happy for your courage to get help with it.
Whatever you fear, your reputation is not worth more than your life nor the opportunity to honor God in your life.
Your public reputation is not more important than getting help. Going to the hospital, talking to someone, or reaching out online is not a sign of weakness but strength.
Yes, your reputation is important (Eccl 7:1); however, your reputation includes how you respond to suffering. When depressed, seeking help is a positive thing. Asking for someone else to speak into your life is good. The Bible expects the wise person to talk with others, engage truth, and grow toward Christlikeness (Eph 4:11-16). Getting help does not make you lose your reputation, rather it enhances your reputation. People who love and care for you will rejoice with you if they found out about you needing and seeking help. True friends want what is best for you and will not judge you for seeking the help you need to work through the struggle.
Q5 What about when someone says, “But you do not understand, this is hard and I don’t think I have the ability to get through this.”
Regardless of your level of suffering today, your goals are simple – live through it and honor God in it. Embrace the moment even in suffering to see this as an opportunity rather than a curse or a demon. See this moment of suffering as an opportunity for God to demonstrate His marvelous grace in and through you. Paul wrote, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:7-10; cf., Rom 5:3-5; 2 Cor 4:7-12).
Your ultimate hope is in Jesus Christ and the grace He provides you daily.
Friend, if you are suffering today or know someone suffering today, please seek help. You are not alone.
Image Credit Adrian Swancar
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