What makes a Perfect Wedding?
In premarital counseling and in preparation for a wedding ceremony, I ask the groom and bride-to-be this question at least three times. First, I ask them this question in our very first session of premarital counseling. I am interested in what they have to say, how they describe it, and listen for their functional goals. The second time I ask them this question is the final session of premarital counseling. At this time (usually around 13 weeks later), much closer to the wedding ceremony, I want to also hear their goals and make our final preparations for the impending ceremony. The final time I ask this question is at the wedding rehearsal. At the end of the rehearsal as I make my closing comments, answer lingering questions, and run over last-minute details, before I pray, I ask everyone in attendance at the rehearsal this same question, “What makes a perfect wedding?”
Wedding Day Preparation
As a wedding ceremony approaches, details abound. Even with a good wedding planner, the details surrounding a wedding ceremony can challenge and even stifle the most steadfast at heart. Venues. Catering. Decorations. Wedding party outfits. Gifts. Order of service. Rehearsal. Budgets. Honeymoon plans. And more. The bigger the wedding, of course, the more details that are entailed.
As the ceremony approaches, there are moving parts everywhere. The groom and bride-to-be must trust many people with the details of their wedding while, at the same time, continuing to care about the implementation of all those details. As you may know, the term bridezilla refers to the bride who loses it under the weight of all these demands and details.
However, if the groom and bride define the “perfect wedding” early and keep the idea of it in front of them, then they will avoid being overwhelmed on this special day. The reason I review this discussion with the entire wedding party and family at the rehearsal is to get the rest of the support around them on board as well.
So, “What does make a perfect wedding?”
I typically define the perfect wedding this way…
If at the end of the day, God has been honored and the groom and bride married, it will have been a perfect wedding.
Consider both what is and is not in my description of the perfect wedding.
What is not in the definition of the perfect wedding…
The perfect wedding does not depend upon all the details of the wedding working out “perfectly.” At the end of the day, these details are only important as they serve to make the day better, more special, or even pleasant. However, these details only add an additional benefit; they do not make or break a day. In the end, the details are there to serve the bride, groom, and family, not the wedding party and family there to serve the details.
Is it important for the caterers, bakers, and decorators with all the rest of those serving the wedding party to do their jobs? Of course. But not so important that it has to ruin the “perfect” wedding.
One bouquet is missing. A corsage pin breaks. Someone forgets the right color of socks. An outfit does not fit perfectly. A ring is missing. The cake topper falls. Someone in the wedding party is late. A grandparent gets sick. One thousand more things like these can go wrong or differently than planned.
Each participant in the wedding must remember though – the wedding is not about these things.
What is in the definition of the perfect wedding…
Two simple ideas should make the perfect wedding for a Christian couple…
First, God is honored in the wedding ceremony and the day.
The Bible makes it clear that a follower of Christ’s wedding day is no different than any other day in life. “Whether we eat or drink or whatever we do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). This day – on this level – is like every other day. Yes, today is this couple’s special wedding day. But no, just because it is a wedding day does not make it fit in a different category of day. The groom, bride, wedding party, and family must still function under the authority of the Bible which states to do everything to the glory of God – even respond to the pressures of a wedding.
Let me stress two different implications for you.
- First, this means that the ceremony itself highlights the couple’s relationship with Christ, the covenant made between God and this couple, the significance of the love of Christ as it is reflected in the couple’s love for each other, and the centrality of Christ on the wedding day and throughout the marriage. The ceremony is not primarily a tribute to a new couple, it is a tribute to God’s grace as experienced by covenant in the lives and marriage of this new couple. The hero of the day and the focus of the day should be no less about Christ than it is any other day of the couple’s existence.
- Second, this means that responding to the day’s pressures must reflect a solid commitment to the glory of God as well. So what happens if things go crazy, get sideways, or completely bungled? The groom, bride, wedding party, and family respond as those who understand the glory of God is more important than any of these things. Where any one of these individual details or the desire for a “perfect” wedding free of problems and where the bride is the star of the day becomes more important than the glory of God, this is idolatry.
Second, the groom and bride are married.
If at the end of the day the groom and bride are married, it is a good day. It is that simple. The whole purpose of a wedding ceremony reflects this basic idea – the groom and the bride make a covenant together before God and the witnesses in order to form a life-long union between a husband and wife – a covenant of companionship – where two individuals who are both created in the image of God live together in unity for the purpose of representing Christ and bringing glory to God. If this happens, then, success!
The wedding ceremony serves the couple as they make a covenant together. As I mentioned above, a couple, wedding party, or family moves into idolatry when the ceremony becomes more important than the covenant. Instead, the ceremony celebrates formally the couple’s love of Jesus Christ (First Great Commandment) and their love for each other (Second Great Commandment).
Some of My Perfect Weddings
Over the past twenty-five years as a pastor and seminary professor, I have had the sweet privilege to officiate many wedding ceremonies. Plus, I too was married twenty-seven years ago. My heart fills with joy as I think back on many of these special events. Let me share a couple of them.
My wedding.
Three major miscues or difficulties happened on our wedding weekend. First, one of the bridesmaids failed to show up for the rehearsal anywhere near on time. Everyone waited. Those were the days before cell phones or even pagers so we just waited. Of course, that threw off the meal and the rest of the wedding party’s timing.
Next, the church overbooked the use of the facility that weekend. While we had wonderful volunteers trying to decorate and then finally clean up after the reception, another family was trying to set up for their wedding later in the day. Talk about pressure!
Finally, during the wedding ceremony itself, our flower girls left their spot on stage and crawled onto the edge of Kelly’s wedding dress train. It was full of beautiful sequence. The beauty caught the girls’ eyes so they proceeded to pick sequence off her dress while we were trying to listen to my dad perform the ceremony and make our vows together.
Was God honored? I think so. Did we get married? Yes, now just over 10,000 days ago. A perfect wedding.
Outdoor Weddings.
I have officiated many outdoor wedding of couples over the years. The words outdoor and pressure kind of go hand-in-hand. I smile as I sit here and type. One time it rained so hard and for so long, when the rain quit hours later, we rolled up our pants legs, took our shoes and socks off, and stood in standing water throughout the ceremony. While doing so, there were so many other things that went sideways at the same time. This day and sweet couple still rank as my favorite wedding ever. They took it in stride. Guess what? At the end of the day…God was honored and they were married. Perfect.
Another outdoor wedding ranks as the hottest day on record ever in any place in the world with a black suit standing in the sun. Ohmyword it was a hot August day! Sweat rolled everywhere, off everything. My eyes were burning with sweat so badly that they were bloodshot and I could hardly read my script. Sweat rolled off my forehead, down my nose, and dripped both on my tie and open Bible. It was crazy. Guess what? At the end of the day…God was honored and they were married. Perfect.
I have plenty more of these stories but I’ll move on.
Indoor Weddings.
Over the years, I have officiated my fair share of these as well – which is an incredible privilege! I’ll limit my storytelling to just two here as well. The first was an out-of-town wedding. We traveled. The place we were offered to stay was practically unlivable. We quietly left with our close to one-year-old and went to a hotel. The wedding day was chaotic. Within ten minutes of when the wedding was to start, the entire wedding party and family were still decorating, walking around in normal street attire, and seemingly without concern for what time it was. Guests were arriving. Now incredibly late, song playing, the ushers are seating the family, and I am waiting with the groom to enter side right, the groom remembers he left both rings in his pants pocket in the changing room. We both run through the church, find the rings, run back, and go to the door to see what was going on. The music had stopped, not a sound in the room, and people were just waiting. Of how awkward it was to open the door and walk out. Guess what? At the end of the day…God was honored and they were married. Perfect.
Last story. We were at another smaller church venue outside of town on a hot, summer day when the air conditioning went out. It was working great at the rehearsal the night before. But no sir, absolutely nothing, the day of. I mentioned earlier about the hot, outside wedding. This one was just as hot but we were inside, no breeze, and stifling. I remember getting a major headache. But, the wedding went on. The photographer caught my favorite wedding picture ever at that wedding. The couple gave it to me as a gift. I still keep it in my office as a sweet reminder of this special day, special couple, and special privilege as a pastor to serve couples in this way. Guess what? At the end of the day…God was honored and they were married. Perfect.
What is your definition of a perfect wedding?
I’ve told you mine and have shared a few crazy stories. But, in every case, the wedding turned out perfect. Plus many, many more have as well along the way. Today is another day and another wedding. Today’s wedding will be celebrated, laughed about, and remembered fondly in the years to come. It is their story so I will not share the details, but it is crazy. Let’s just begin by saying the guest list went from 160 to 21 in the past few days. And, for good reasons.
Will it be a perfect wedding? Guess what? At the end of this day I expect it will because I anticipate God will be honored and they will be married. Absolutely perfect.
