Why are teenagers killing themselves?

In the recent days, I have heard of several teenagers who have died so young and needlessly. Whether it is in our neighborhood or perhaps someone you know, our hearts break. Why would a child think this is the best option? With all of life ahead, one of our young ones decides to take his or her life. As parents, friends, and concerned adults who love their community, we desire to help, to keep these things from every happening again, and somehow provide hope.

We talk to our own children, engage with their friends, and try to help with total humility. All of us as adults realize that death is no respecter of persons. Any child can be influenced, discouraged, or even momentarily devastated circumstantially. In the process, a child makes a decision which affects everyone. I think we would all say, the child drastically underestimates the love, concern, and hopes of those around him or her.

Why? How do we better understand what is taking place?

Let me suggest four obstacles to life as a teenager. The better we understand these things, the better we will be able to help our own children deal with life around them.

Four Obstacles to Life as a Teen

“God isn’t playing my game.”

Teenagers struggle understanding or applying God’s sovereignty to their individual lives. God’s plan may be much different than what the teen desires.  Think through these areas: size, shape, personality, economic situation, neighborhood, skin, talent, relationships, and more. In each of these categories, what a teenager gets as part of God’s plan may be diametrically opposed to what he or she wants.

“I wish I were taller/bigger/shorter/smaller.”

“I wish my personality was different.”

“I wish I could afford different clothes, better car, better shoes, etc.”

“I wish we didn’t live in an apartment, had a better house, lived in a different neighborhood, or had better stuff in my room.”

“I wish I looked different, had a different skin tone, didn’t have so many pimples, looked better in my clothes, etc.”

“I wish I had a car.”

These are just a few of the many statements we could report. You understand them. At the end of the day, we have all been there to one degree or another.

The problem: the teen is dissatisfied with the sovereignty of God. God’s plan does not match the teen’s dreams or desires.

“My family is so not perfect.”

For years, dad, mom, brothers, sisters, and grandparents were the best. Children long to play with their siblings, spend time with their parents, and enjoy time with their family. Children look to parents with joy, honor, and respect.

Those days slowly change for so many.

“Dad, why do you have to wear socks with your sandals?”

“Mom, why are you wearing that?”

“It is unfair. What you did for him, you don’t do for me.”

“You people are so inconsistent.”

“I get in trouble when I say or do that, but you do it as well.”

“Why does mom have to be so loud?”

“Can’t we do something different than just spend time together?”

Sometimes it feels overnight, but parents go from hero to zero. Where it was a joy to hang out, spend time together, and just love each other, now the teen sees other parents and families as cool, desires to spend more time away from the house, and can’t understand the family’s rules, priorities, or decisions.

“The world around me is hard and dangerous.”

Is this an understatement, or what? Our teenagers begin to see what is really going on around them. Initially, as parents and grandparents, we can shield them from the real world. They do not have to deal with politics, culture wars, or the vile nature of some in our society. We can shield them from what we do not want them to have to see. Discussions over abortion, bullying, drugs, sex, and so much more we postpone because they are not ready yet for those real-world, big time conversations. We still find that our children play with really cool toys, pretend, dress up, or grab a seat on a swing. They maybe even shed a tear or two watching a cartoon, need mom or dad to check a knee, or prefer mom to cut some meat.

As days turn into years, they begin to see more, experience more, and read more. The internet provides them access to a world totally devastated by sin, full of suffering, and unstable. Many politicians prove they cannot be trusted, pastors and youth pastors fail, and people divorce. Trauma and abuse become household words.

Competition increases. Aggression. Abuse. A seductive environment. Relationship difficulties. Bullying. Rejection. Sins of the tongue. Anger. Life does not work the way it should.

The internet makes it even greater. The world and all the evil in it are at their fingertips. People stalk online looking for vulnerable teens. Other teens choose to bully, demean, and tear at the fabric of their inner man.

Our teens begin to see adults, others in the culture, people at school, and friends as threats.

The world simply is hard and dangerous. As they learn this, they can grow quiet, elusive, and spend long periods of time deep in their own heads.

“I’m not sure my role or place.”

They begin to question their role or place in a family, a school, friend group, or world. As they question these things, it is easy for the teen to falsely believe that everything would be better if life was over. This false belief can take residence in the heart. When upset, hurt, disappointed, discontent, angry, or otherwise emotionally disturbed, the teen rehearses this over and over. They question whether or not everyone else would be better if they ended their own life.

Just typing these things saddens me. These thoughts are lies of the devil.

It is here, we must break the sequence. The music, online culture, and often friend groups do nothing to help draw these thoughts and ideas out of a teen. As long as the teen is left to walk down this path of poor perspective on life and living, suicidal ideation increases. It is necessary to parachute into the conversation.

What can we do?