Who needs grace more?

In some recent conversations, I have been reminded of this essential question, “Who needs grace more – the sinner or the sinned against?” No doubt you have been both, as have I. Sometimes I have been the sinner – who certainly needed grace in the midst of it and afterwards. At other times I have been the sinned against – who certainly needed grace in the midst of it and afterwards, too. The answer may surprise you.

Grace for the sinner

Sin is hard. When we sin, some desire, thought, idea, or thing has captured our heart. In that moment, the follower of Jesus forsakes passionately following Jesus in order to chase after something or someone else. The heart gets captivated by the shining something, whatever that is. When this happens, gratitude and significance for the love of Christ dims in light of whatever it is that has captured the sinner’s heart. In other words, love of something in your life carries more weight than your love for Jesus or your neighbor in that moment.

Jesus summarized the Ten Commandments with two. First, we are to love God supremely, more than anything else in life – with all one’s heart, mind, soul, and strength. This kind of love of Jesus provides the foundation for living. This love for Jesus anchors your heart and keeps you from chasing after other loves. The second is like it, to love your neighbor as yourself. Therefore, when you sin against God or against another person, you have switched loves. In that moment you love something in your heart more than your love for Jesus Christ or your love for the other person.

When this happens, your attitude, words, and actions all rush forth out of your heart to express whatever it is your heart desires or loves. If someone disappoints you, you may lash out with your words. You may gossip, criticize, or be unkind. When another driver pulls in front of you, you may blow your horn, follow too closely, or complain. If someone does something you do not appreciate, you may judge motives, talk to yourself negatively about the person, get angry, or some combination of all these things.

Is grace needed? Absolutely! In this moment, the sinner desperately needs the grace of God. This grace of God is in the form of drawing the sinner back to a relationship with God filled with sweet fellowship which flows out of love for Jesus. Further, this grace gently corrects the sinner producing guilt and often shame, which should encourage the sinner to turn back to Jesus. This grace works to help the sinner identify the adulterous love in the heart, turn away from it, and run back to the loving and forgiving hands of God (James 4:1-10).

Grace for the sinned against

Being sinned against is hard. Someone chooses to love something more than Jesus or neighbor which results in sin. The neighbor takes the brunt of a heart gone rogue. Possibly it is an attitude. Maybe an unkind look or word. Of course, it can be so much worse than sins of the attitude or tongue. On the extreme end, laws are made to protect people from the extreme sins.

Why? Why sin against another person? Even if there is real disappointment, real hurt, and real suffering, why turn it outward and sin against those around you? Because it flows from a heart that violates the first great commandment of loving Jesus with one’s heart, mind, soul, and strength, and the second great commandment of loving one’s neighbor as self.

Do not miss what is happening. Although the sin comes out in an attitude, a word said, a word unsaid, an action taken, or an action not taken, be sure to keep your eye on the ball, as they say in sports. Yes, what is done is sin; however, the bigger problem is in the heart. If the one sinned against gets overconsumed with the sin against him or her, then what should truly burden does not.

Is grace needed? Absolutely! In this moment, the sinned against desperately needs the grace of God. This grace of God presents itself in four ways. First, this grace of God reminds you are loved, God is with you, the Spirit prays for you, and the power of the Spirit is in you. Therefore, you do not have to sin in return (1 Cor 10:13).

Second, grace that reminds you that the problem is from a rogue heart committing adultery against the One Who bought him or her, provides salvation, and desires to sanctify. Whereas being sinned against feels so extremely personal, seems so intense, and can feel like it devalues you, the much bigger problem is that the sinner more egregiously turns his or her back on our beautiful Savior Jesus, on Jesus’ love, and on Jesus’ presence. For the sinned against, the breakage of the second great commandment horizontally feels so much more of a burden than the breakage of the first great commandment. However, what should burden us more is the sinner’s broken relationship with Jesus (Psalm 51:3-4).

Third, this grace gently holds a mirror to the heart of the sinned against. This grace reminds the sinned against that any righteousness or goodness or lack of sin personally is just God’s kindness and grace. Further, the mirror reminds the sinned against of the grace of Jesus Christ that helps rescue the sinned against, just like the sinner needs rescue. In this moment, grace reminds us of our own sin, our own sinful tendencies, and our own sinful past. This reminder emphasizes the need to share that same grace with this other person who sins. Instead of passing judgement against the sinner, this grace reminds the sinned against that the sinner constitutionally is no different than the sinned against – both need grace unto change. What does this produce by grace? Grace motivates the sinned against to pray diligently and earnestly for the sinner.

Fourth, this grace helps the sinned against to respond to the sin and sinner in gracious ways. It may be a word not spoken. However, it may be a godly word spoken in response. Further, it may be a loving action that requires courage. Or, it may be refusing to react, which also calls for courage. In every situation the reaction may be different; however, in every situation, the reaction must be an intentional action produced by the indwelling Spirit of God, motivated by Jesus’ love, and made available by grace.

Who needs grace more?

Both the sinner and the sinned against need grace. One more than the other? Not really – from God’s perspective. What about if you are the sinned against? It may feel like you need more grace; however, in looking at it as we did above, you begin to realize that the sinner desperately needs grace too. Therefore, it influences our prayer in the midst of the pressured situation.

Thankfully, a good, loving, faithful, and kindhearted God provides grace for both the sinner and the sinned against in just the right portions as the need calls.

Therefore, what should be done? What can we do? If you are the sinner, then pray desperately for the grace of God to work in your heart to forsake sin, turn to Jesus, and walk in righteousness. Ask for the grace of God to seek forgiveness, to be restored, and to strive for restitution. Thankfully, God provides this kind of grace.

If you are the sinned against, then pray desperately for the grace of God to work in your heart as well. You need God to help you in your response, help you see the sinner as a neighbor who struggles in similar ways to yourself, help you recognize the much greater sin is against the Lord, to shift your focus from what happened to you to what needs to happen between the sinner and God, and help to walk in righteousness.

In the process, do not pray earnestly just for your own heart and response, but pray earnestly for the other person involved.

Both need grace. God provides.