How My Dying Friend Helped Me
Editor’s Note: My friend Lyle Caudill, who has fought cancer since July 9, 2021, died this past Thursday, January 26, 2023. In this subsequent weeks since his final, terminal diagnosis and death, we communicated both by phone and texts. Below you will find a few observations I made as I talked and prayed with my friend, who knew he was going to die. In our final lengthy conversation, I said “Goodbye” to him, realizing that I would more than likely talk with him the next time in heaven. I am grateful God gave me that opportunity.
Here is the link to the first blog post that I shared from Lyle several weeks ago around the new year: Closing Thoughts: Year’s End Perspective from My Dying Friend.
Conversations with My Dying Friend
Lyle faced death with much more than simply dignity. Lyle desired in death to glorify God in even greater ways than he had lived his life. Not that he had lived life in any way which intentionally ignored the glory of God, instead, realizing he was dying, he wanted God to be first and foremost in his life. Without getting into any personal details of our conversations or texts, let me share five areas where he was concerned that God would be glorified in his life.
Here’s the bottom line: take the advice from my friend who now lives in heaven to focus on your priorities today.
As he and I talked, I reflected on one of my favorite quotes, “Live today with eternity in mind. Live today so that when you die, no one has any reason to wonder about your relationship with God.”
1. Make Sure Eternity Is Secure
As Lyle and I visited, we reflected on what it meant to be saved, to be forgiven of one’s sins through the sacrificial, substitutionary atonement of Jesus Christ, and to have a secured heavenly home. We reflected on these things, not as those who wondered if he had done enough to make it, but as grateful brothers who experienced the security of salvation through the truth of God’s Word. This part of our conversations and texts were sweet.
Jesus taught that the only sin that will ultimately keep you from going to heaven is not believing in Him (John 3:10-21).
2. Make Sure You Glorify God in Your Heart
Lyle was very concerned about his attitude and heart as he lay suffering. His body was not cooperating with him as the cancer grew. He understood the progression of the cancer and knew that each day was going to get increasingly harder. Several times he simply asked for prayer. We had discussed what he wanted me to specifically pray for, and I did.
For those of us who are alive, his focus on his own heart glorifying God (cf. 1 Cor 10:31) is helpful. We must live every day with a sensitivity to our own personal hearts before God. What is our attitude? Are we a forgiving person? Do we seek to love others well? Are we living by the first and second Great Commandments to love God supremely and love others sincerely? Is God glorified in our hearts?
3. Make Sure Your Relationships Are Current and God-glorifying
I enjoyed hearing how Lyle was striving to serve his wife and family. He desired to not have any known sin in his own heart, words, or behavior that would hinder his relationship with those around him. I was encouraged as we discussed this.
Again, for each of us, this is an area where we can quickly go off the rails in everyday living. Are there relationships that need God’s help in your life? Do you actively or passively sin against your spouse, family, other Christians, or others? If you are not right with someone, I encourage you to take time to talk to those individuals to seek to glorify God in your relationships as well.
4. Make Sure You Consider the Body of Christ
Lyle was concerned for the church and other Christians. Over the years, Lyle had served actively in the church on several levels, including as a pastor. He led worship at his church. In our conversations, it was evident that he loved serving Jesus Christ and His body through the church.
This is another area where we ought to gladly give ourselves within our hearts and our bodies. What a joy to serve other followers of Jesus Christ. When we do this, God receives the glory and His body grows. No person will ever get to heaven and be criticized for their commitment to the body of Jesus Christ. Instead, many of us may get to heaven and be very saddened upon meeting our Savior for not having dedicated ourselves to the body of Christ while living. The sad reality is that many things can distract us from the body of Christ.
5. Make Sure You Are Not a Burden
One final area of appreciation from Lyle to me over the past weeks is this: he did not want to be a burden on his wife or family. He wanted to do what he could do for himself and not be a burden on others. This really bothered him that as his body deteriorated, he had to depend upon those around him more and more. As a man, husband, son, and uncle, he wanted to be strong in his body and be the one who cared for those around him instead of being cared for by them.
I really appreciated this part of our conversation. As a healthy person, I need to have the same passion that I serve those around me well. I need to ask myself whether my wife unduly has to serve me, if others have to pick up my slack, or if I am dependent upon others rather than self-sufficient where I can be. Of course, living life together in a home, family, church, or community means that, at times, we all serve each other. We are interdependent upon each other. But the questions for each of us are these: do others unnecessarily have to pick up my part? Am I causing others more trouble because of my own sin, laziness, or carelessness? Or, is it possible that I am using my energy to serve them well as they occasionally serve me too?
My Dying Friend Helped Me
These are five specific ways, in addition to our conversations generally, review of precious Bible verses, consideration of lyrics of great God-honoring music, and prayer, my dying friend helped me. We talked in an effort to serve him as he strived to end life well. Little did he know, he was helping me too. In death and upon further reflection, he will help even more people as we all can take a few moments to even think through this post. And, like the Apostle Paul, whether in life or in death, may God be glorified.
Image Credit from Lyle’s FB Page
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