Reflections on the Death of My Friends

Over the past few weeks, an entire handful of friends and past students have died. All of them my age or younger. All of them followers of Jesus. As I have worked through each of these deaths – some I have mentioned before here and here, I have been tracking some thoughts that have been helpful to me. Over the past few days, I have been writing and thinking. Today, I want to share some of these to perhaps help you as well. Many of you readers have been impacted by these same deaths.

We grieve with hope.

One of the great blessings that we as followers of Jesus Christ enjoy together is our hope. Paul explains:

But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words. (1 Thess 4:13-18).

Oh yes, we grieve; however, we grieve with hope. The world grieves with ignorance. They may hope and believe many things about the afterlife, but at the end of the day, they truly have no real hope. But, not us! We grieve with hope. Our grieving is based upon the Word of God, God’s covenant faithfulness, and trust in God’s love.

Our loved one who has gone to heaven to be with the Lord is more alive than ever. Paul also wrote, “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord” (2 Cor 5:8). Immediately. No purgatory. No delay. Those who have a personal relationship with Jesus immediately go to be with Him in heaven.

What if our loved one inconsistently followed Jesus at best? There’s good news for us there too. We do not go to heaven based upon our faithfulness to Him; we go to heaven based upon God’s faithfulness to us (1 Pet 1:3-5). Consider the Apostle Peter’s words:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Pet 1:3-5, emphasis mine)

Thankfully, if we have followed Jesus, going to heaven does not depend upon our faithfulness, it depends upon the faithfulness of God.

We are better in a funeral home than at a party.

The Bible teaches that we are better off in a funeral home than at a party. In King Solomon’s wisdom, he wrote:

Better to go to the house of mourning
Than to go to the house of feasting,
For that is the end of all men;
And the living will take it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
For by a sad countenance the heart is made better.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. (Eccl 7:2-4)

The death of our loved ones and friends provides us the opportunity to focus on what truly matters in life. Solomon explains that those of us who are alive take the death of our loved one to heart. We recognize what is truly worth living for and the reality of coming death for all of us. In other words, as the death of our loved ones and friends shake us to the core, we can see what is truly important. In another sense, death shakes us to our senses.

Sadness. Sorrow. Mourning.

None of us enjoy these words, even much less do we enjoy living through them. However, in sadness, sorrow, and mourning, we benefit from being able to see through the fog of life to what truly matters.

Live today so that no one has to wonder.

As those who continue to live, to breathe, and to go on, we are forced to take another step. Hopefully, we take the step with other around us intentionally helping us. But even if you have a sense of being alone, we each must take another step in living. Each day and each hour, another step.

I have read or heard so many stories, remembered so many fond memories, and shed tears even in the midst of laughter. As I have reflected on the life and death of each of these friends while in the house of mourning, as one who lives, my mind keeps going back to these powerful words from the Apostle Peter. He wrote:

Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Pet 1:10-11)

Here, Peter calls all of us to live today with tomorrow and, in essence, other people in mind. He calls on us to live consistent with our relationship with Jesus. He teaches, if we put our energy in living consistent with our intimate relationship with Jesus, then we will receive three great benefits. First, we will not commit the types of sin that would make us and others question whether or not we are truly saved. Second, we will have assurance of our own salvation. And, third, those who are left after we die will also have the confidence of our salvation.

This third point is the one that I want to highlight. When we live as faithfully consistent followers of Jesus Christ, those around us never have to wonder whether or not we go to heaven. As many of you can attest, what a blessing to all of them!

Save yourself and those who hear you!

The final thought that has been rumbling around in my soul as I have been in the house of mourning over the past several weeks is this: Today, I need to save myself and those who hear me. The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy:

Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

I need to watch my own heart, my beliefs, my attitude, my desires, and my behavior to make sure that I am striving to live as Jesus. As I do, I take heed to myself – practice self-counsel by considering my own heart in light of God’s Word. Again, as I continually do this, I save myself. This process keeps me from committing sin that questions my salvation and hurts others.

We do not earn our salvation through this process; however, we demonstrate that we are truly saved. Along the way, we help others too.

In sadness and mourning…

Many of us are in sadness and mourning. I am not the only friend to these many. Each one of them left family, friends, and loving church families. Many of their friends are my friends, and their loved ones are my loved ones. In this way, I share my musings in the funeral home as an act of care for each of you. Some of you, I love dearly, others I only know as an acquaintance, and others still I do not know at all. Yet, for each of you and me, my prayer is that we would receive God’s comfort, care, and love while we mourn. Praise our Heavenly Father that through Jesus, He offers us eternal life. What more could we ever ask for? What an incredible blessing!

At the same time, my prayer is that each one of us would not waste the moment either. Rather, we would do self-inventory to respond wisely even in the midst of our deep suffering, sadness, and sorrow.

For we grieve not like those who are in the world, we know that to be absent from the body is to enter into eternal life with Jesus Christ our Lord. Incredible news! Incredible comfort! And, we live on looking for that blessed day, following Jesus step by step until we get there.