Another Reminder – Pastors and Suicide…a Letter to the Church

Occasionally, through the course of events, we are reminded of the significance of this issue. A list of pastors who have taken their lives is too long to rehearse and not necessary for the important reminder to each of us. Just one would be too long. Again, this is a heartbreaking and tragic trend. How are we to respond when a pastor commits suicide?

First things first…please pray for the pastor’s wife, his family, and the church family. Unless we have been there, we cannot understand the depths of sadness, shock, hurt, and brokenness they experience. Even for those who have, every situation is different. We weep with them and for them. We wish something were different, could have been changed, and we could have kept them all safe.

When responding to the death of a fellow pastor, Paul Tripp tweeted: “I hate this! God help us!… weeping yet again…want to wrap my arms around my pastor brothers, hold them close, keep them safe; but I can’t…I cling to four words in my grief…Jesus is still Lord.”

Pastors and congregants, we must both work together against this tide as this story becomes more and more common.

Church, What Are We to Think and Understand?

No doubt, this is hard to process, isn’t it?

Why are our pastors committing suicide? What is going on? Let me suggest a few thoughts for you to at least consider.

Pastors are like everyone else and struggle too. Understand that everyone struggles in one way or another.

In terms of suffering, everyone suffers. This of course includes your pastor. Pastors are people, human, made of flesh. As with everyone else you know, you do not know what the person next to you has or is going through, just as that person does not know about you. However, the sad reality of life on earth is that people suffer and sin. Your pastor does as well.

In the case of your pastor, of course there is personal sin since perfection still alludes the best of us. So the pastor complicates life and increases the suffering through personal sin. In addition, there is other normal suffering – like sickness, the economy, the weather, health, etc. Yes, the pastor’s spouse and family cause suffering – like any family. Their mowers won’t start, batteries get low, computers crash, and everything else. If it can happen to you, it more than likely can or does happen to the pastor as well.

But there is more.

Remember though, a pastor does not simply bear the normal burdens of suffering. The pastor also carries the burdens of the church corporately and the members individually.

Corporately, the pastor bears the burden of the church as an organism, a body, and in some sense a business.

The pastor longs for the church to grow in Christlikeness, love for God and each other, care for each other, to reach more people with the Gospel, and grow in discipleship. These are heavy burdens since the pastor ultimately answers for these things to God. The church is ultimately God’s church, and these people are ultimately God’s children. Don’t think for one minute that those concerns are not real and heavy.

In addition, all the cares of a normal business owner also apply to your pastor too. The church’s attendance, finances, structure, and functioning bear heavily on pastors. Most of us are trained theologically, not in business. We know how to study the Bible, do research, prepare for public preaching and teaching, and then actually speak. Those things alone are hard – but at least we are trained for them. In addition, we must do those things for which we have not really received training as well, like building programs and fundraising, for instance. In all honesty, thankfully, we do not do these things alone. However, at the end of the day, we are still responsible for them.

Individually, the pastor carries the burdens of individual church members.

We do not pastor the corporate body alone. We pastor individual people. What a great joy that God allows us to do that! Yet, with that great joy comes much responsibility and suffering. We long to hear individuals’ stories, walk with them through life, rejoice with them in good times, and weep with them in bad times. We listen, prayerfully consider what we hear, seek to help, and then follow up with people. The bad day one member has whether that relates to health, one’s emotions, relationally, or spiritually becomes part of the pastor’s experience. The pastor listens, cares, and wants to help bear the burden (Gal 6:1-5).

Possibly, it has been your burden in the past. Your pastor has listened, cared, prayed, and responded to you in your need. No doubt that brought you great joy as it did your pastor as well.

Now add everyone else. Your pastor did not just listen to your burden. You are not the only one. Everyone else either has a burden or has had or will have. All of those things are on your pastor’s heart, mind, agenda, and often schedule.

Please do not take this as complaining. As a pastor, I can say with confidence and in complete honesty, we do this with joy. It is a great thing when one desires to be a pastor, as Paul told Timothy (1 Tim 3:1). We get to serve the Lord in a very special and honorable way. We are of all people most privileged to serve our Savior through serving His body.

However, the burdens are real. God provides us grace as He does every person, for which we are so so grateful. His grace helps! But why do we need it? We need it – your pastor needs it – because there are real burdens that we need the grace in order to bear.

Occasionally, the burdens go a bit deeper.

As a pastor, we carry the corporate and individual burdens of the church. This is our privilege and our responsibility. As individuals, the church is full of sinners – just like their pastors. So we deal with the complications of our sins and over time the complications, hurts, and battle scars of those who sin against us. There is a spectrum of course. On the one hand, people, at times, are just thoughtless. They say things and do things that hurt for any one of a thousand reasons. On the other hand, people can be ruthless in their sin as they attack a pastor’s character, skill, personality, and performance. In addition, sometimes the sin is against the pastor’s spouse and children.

Plus, each of us deal with living in a broken body longing for future redemption. Our own aches, pains, and weaknesses create struggle. Although we all struggle to one degree or another, some of us struggle in complicated ways which include mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual anguish. Add to this our own sin nature where the flesh and spirit rage war against one another.

Yes, like every person. However, these burdens can become a suicide cocktail for the one who becomes overwhelmed by them. The reality is this: if Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah, Job, and other significant and godly characters in the Bible can wish to die, so too can your pastor.

Church, What Are We to Do?

May I suggest a few things we can do as a body and as individuals to help your pastors?

Corporately, church, take care for your pastors and their families.

As churches, we must realize that life is too complicated, technology too demanding, and schedules too full to just assume the pastor can handle everything. No doubt we must do our jobs and do them well. I believe most pastors do. Pastors typically are not of the lazy sort. Instead, they work hard and long. This is expected and necessary. However, as a church we cannot assume they can do it all. They need help, livable wages, time off, and understanding. They can only do what their body will allow.

Ask yourself how you would wish you would be handled? How would you hope that your church provided for you? What do you appreciate most about those employers you have whom you have appreciated? Now take those thoughts and compare them to your treatment and care for your pastor. Possibly, you need to do more.

Individually, as a church member, do your part.

The writer of Hebrews helps us when he writes, “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you” (Hebrews 13:17).

Help your pastor care for you with joy. Think what might make your role in your pastor’s life better. What can you personally do? What have you done in the past? Is there anything for which you should seek forgiveness? Do you need to repent of anything? Have you been thoughtless? Moreover, have you outright sinned against your pastor in your attitude, through gossip, or causing disunity? Are you a critic?

What have you done to help ease the burdens of your pastor? How have you served, encouraged, or demonstrated your love? How long has it been since you have told your pastor of your love (1 Thess 5:12-13)?

What are those things you do that make the burden easier for your pastor? If there are not very many, then please, get busy for the sake of your pastor.

What are those things you do (or have done) that makes the burden harder? For these, you ought to repent, seek forgiveness, and change.

We can all pray for each other.

Without doubt, all of us can pray for each other. Let’s pray for our pastors. If you are reading this as a pastor, let’s pray for our churches.

Pastors, What Are We to Do?

Pastors, reach out. Share. Spend time with people talking about your cares, concerns, burdens, and trials. Seek spiritual advice. If you do not have anyone in your church who can provide it, then seek outside your church. You were never meant to live life in Christ alone.

Additionally pastors, if you are overwhelmed, have no energy, live in a dark body, or have unexplained emotional upsets, go see a doctor. You owe it to Christ, your family, your congregation, and yourself to make sure there is nothing organically wrong with your body. Let your doctor help you decide what would be best for you in your situation. You must work on maintaining your own personal health.

Pastor, do not let depression and anxiety rule you. Seek help. Talk with a biblical counselor. Go to the doctor. Reach out.

You can not allow fear of failure, fear of man, fear of loss of reputation, fear of weakness, or any other kind of fear to rule you. You must reach out for help. Suicide is the end result of someone crying to get out from under all the pain and pressures of life. So get help before you get there. If you already are there, be just bold enough to trust God’s grace to strengthen you to seek out help.

For all of us…

Moses needed Aaron and Hur’s help. Moses was the responsible one; however Aaron and Hur helped hold his arms up for the victory (Exodus 17). In this example, Moses is in the place of the pastor. You are the one on either side like Aaron and Hur. Let’s each do our part together for the glory of God.

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