Comparing the Highlight Reel of Others to Your Real Life

Kevin

3 months ago

Comparing the Highlight Reel of Others to Your Real Life

Someone relayed a conversation to me recently (without names) that is worth a moment’s reflection. One friend asked the other, “You don’t think anyone picked up how bad our family is struggling on my posts, do you?” Of course the person is referring to what is placed on social media through Facebook, Instagram, TicToc, and other platforms. In the question, the questioner desires the curated life online to present one image; whereas, real life was much different. Herein lies the problem of comparing the highlight reel of others to your real life.

Social media invites us to compare the highlight reel of someone else’s life to the unedited moments of our own. Please catch this important result – that comparison almost always distorts reality and quietly steals gratitude, contentment, and joy. Rather than enjoying the messy moments you have in your own home or life with your own people and circumstance, you begin to long for what could be better or should be better like the other person, or even more dangerous but in reality, like the other people.

Questions that Reveal When I Am Doing This

Allowing the curated lives of others to produce either a negative view of your own behind-the-scenes life or a positive view of your life because you believe your own is better, in reality, is sneaky and pervasive. Let me briefly deal with all three aspects of this before I provide some diagnostic questions to help you know if that is what happens in your own life unknowingly.

First, allowing what you see in other people’s curated stream to influence you typically happens silently. No one goes to social media with a desire to encourage lust, envy, or discontentment. However, it is possible as one scrolls, to be encouraged in the recesses of the heart to want what others have, to want something different, or to want more. Yet, no one tells your heart to crave for more or to compare what you have with others.

Second, you can begin to develop a negative view of your own behind-the-scenes life. You compare yourself with the highlight reel of others. Beautiful families. Behaving children. Smiles galore. Gorgeous decorations. Immaculate place settings. Extravagant vacations. Exotic experiences. Creative romance. As you can see, this list can go on and on. In the end, the over-baked turkey, the beaten up vehicle, the not-so-manicured lawn, and everything else becomes all you can see. Instead of the incredible reel with laughs and aura, your real life stinks in comparison. This is the playground of envy, jealousy, and discontentment.

Third, you can begin to develop a positive view of yourself over against what you see about others. Again, you compare yourself with the highlight reel of someone else; but this time, you conclude that yours is better. Strong marriage. Well-mannered children. Sound theology. Sensible spending. Modest homes. Simple holidays. Disciplined routines. Faithful church involvement. As you can see, this list can grow quickly as well. In the end, the public failures of others, the messes they post, the struggles they admit, and the chaos they reveal become all you can see. Or, even when they share their best, in judgmentalism, you determine it is something else. Instead of humility and compassion, your comparison produces quiet superiority. This is the playground for pride, judgmentalism, and hubris.

Okay – Now the Questions that Reveal When I Am Doing This

These are not a list of questions that you can simply answer yes or not. Instead, these are general questions to help reveal how your heart processes what you see as you scroll along social media. Do not take them as a pass or fail; instead, allow them to be used by God to help you evaluate how you are doing.

Awareness questions

Am I comparing someone else’s best moments to my ordinary or difficult ones?
Do I assume I know the whole story of their life based on a few images or posts?
Am I scrolling to be encouraged or to measure myself?

Heart-level questions

After scrolling, do I feel grateful or diminished?
Does this comparison produce joy or envy, restlessness, or discouragement?
Am I wanting what God has given them more than trusting what He has given me?

Behavioral questions

Do I scroll longer when I feel tired, lonely, or dissatisfied?
Do I return to certain accounts that consistently make me feel “behind”?
Am I using comparison as a substitute for prayer, gratitude, or contentment?

Spirit-Empowered Walk questions

Am I trusting God’s wisdom in my current season?
Have I forgotten that God writes different stories on different timelines?
Am I measuring my life by faithfulness or by visibility?

Helpful Tips to Help You Steer Clear from Highlight Reels Impacting Your Real Life

Below you will find five steps to help you steer clear from highlight reels impacting your real life.

Name the distortion in your thinking
Remind yourself: This is a highlight reel, not the whole story. No matter what you see or read, it is only part of the story, and only the part the other individual wanted you to see.
Limit scrolling in key times
Be cautious when you are tired, discouraged, or lonely: Comparison feeds on weakness. Whenever you are in your weak moments, it is easy for the flesh and evil one to impact you more than when you are walking in the Spirit, with others, and encouraged.
Practice gratitude in real time
Actively thank God for what is present with you and around you, not hypothetical. In the very moment comparison shows up, you intentionally interrupt it with thanksgiving. Not later. Not after you have spiraled. Not once you “feel better.” Right then. Instead, thank God for your people, your place, your calling, your limits, and your season. Do not let yourself chase the “If only…”s. Comparison lives in the imagined life; whereas, gratitude anchors you back into your actual real life.
Curate your feed wisely
Unfollow accounts that consistently lead you into the comparison trap: Sometimes seeing less is better than seeing more. If you find yourself often being drawn away toward one particular person, idea, or category, then move away from that area. Choose to look at something different.
Replace comparison with prayer
Pray for the person you’re tempted to envy or be judgmental of: Prayer helps redirect the heart. As you pray for someone, you take your idea, thoughts, concern, or compassion to the Father Who knows, listens, and cares.