“Happy Birthday!” Today, we should be saying “Happy Birthday” to our daughter. But we are not. The problem is not hers – no doubt she is celebrating today – just not here on earth. Our sweet girl celebrates her 20th birthday in heaven. But where does that leave us as her parents? Where does that leave her siblings?

On this day we face the same struggle as so many parents like us. We hit the day on the calendar which should be full of celebration, full of joy, and full of laughter. Or so we thought. At least that is the way it is supposed to go. For us, our sweet girl died very early in life. For others, possibly their child did not make it to birth. In either case, on a day that should be one thing, it is something different.

For so many like us, what do you do with the emotions? How do you talk with God?

“Are you not over it yet?”

This question. This thought. These words emanate from someone who has not walked down this road. Most likely, for those who have lost their baby, they do not ask about being over it. Instead, they understand that there is forever a part of you that is gone. They understand that although the pain changes and life moves on, the fact that your baby is gone is real. This day on the calendar still exists.

No doubt as time elapses, the pain changes. For sure as days turn into years the ache in the soul changes. In each person’s life, the experience of the pain is unique. A grieving mother and a grieving father both lose the same child; however, they both process the loss in different ways. Both of them hurt. Where there are siblings to the lost child, they experience it differently too.

Yet, as the grieving parent, you may be asking yourself, “When will this ever get better? When will the pain go away?” If that is your case today, just know that the pain does change. The severity and sharpness of the pain and memories dull over time to more of an ache in your soul – the heaviness of which one cannot describe to another. However, time does change the pain.

You may be thinking, “What about you after twenty years? Twenty years?” Even after twenty years.

How do you talk with God?

In the midst of pain, you talk. You talk with yourself mainly. You talk to your baby. Possibly you talk with your spouse. There may be others with whom you also share your story and your pain. Hopefully, this conversation includes God as well.

As you process your own emotions, it is important to wrestle those with and alongside God. Talk with him. Pray. Cry out.

God is for you and cares.

Through the psalmist David when he faced an immense problem, we learn about how much God cares. In this psalm, David deals with fear and enemies and wonder at what is going to happen next in his life. However, through this psalm, we are reminded that even in the midst of our own pain, questions, and darkness, God is with us and for us. God cares. Read these words from David as he reflects on God’s character.

8 You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
9 When I cry out to You,
Then my enemies will turn back;
This I know, because God is for me.
10 In God (I will praise His word),
In the Lord (I will praise His word),
11 In God I have put my trust;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

God keeps track of your wanderings or your misery.

As hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years, God walks along with you. David says that God numbers his wanderings. Essentially, he reminds us that God keeps track of our suffering. You do not suffer alone. Your pain is not just your pain. God is there.

God puts your tears in His bottle.

Most translations refer to God keeping your tears in a bottle. Literally this was a leather container made from animal skin which was used to hold wine or milk (NET Bible). Of course there is not a literal leather container or bottle somewhere that God puts your tears into; however, David is making a very specific point to us. When you cry – as you cry – when you hurt, God is moved by your tears. He cares and loves you. He knows. You do not cry alone. Your tears are shared tears. Your tears are not just your tears. God is there.

God writes down your misery and your tears.

David asks a rhetorical question, which simply means that he asks a question where the answer is assumed to be a “yes” answer. “God, is my misery recorded?” “Are my tears noticed” “Do you write them in your book as to keep track and not forget?” The answer from David is, “Yes.”

God is on your side.

We need the reminder from God through David to us. In the midst of loss, pain, hurt, and loneliness, it is sometimes hard to remember and believe. But God is on our side. David says, “God is for me.” Friend, God is for you too.

This is a place where you will need to fight. You will have to wrestle with your thoughts. As hurting people who feel the loss so deeply, it is easy to let yourself believe that God is not for you because if God was for you, then you would not have lost your baby. It is here that you must turn to God’s Word and believe what it says about God’s character even in the midst of your pain.

Read the words and remember, God is for you.

God is trustworthy.

The Bible tells us that God is trustworthy. You can place your trust in Him. Cry out to Him -yes! Explain your misery – yes! Trust Him – yes!

The reason David says He will praise God’s Word is this: God’s Word explains the character and work of God, proclaims His promises, and provides us a way to think through our pain.

In God. In the Lord. You can make it in Christ.

Do do not forget what the Bible tells you on a “Happy Birthday!” that isn’t.

Today we remember the birth of a very sweet, beautiful little girl. Twenty years. Still brings me to tears to reflect on it.

And today, twenty years later, the Bible is still true. God cares. He catches these new tears on a new day. God writes them down. He tracks our misery. But there is something even better.

God loves us and provides Heaven for us. A great day of celebration awaits. A great reunion. We anticipate the day we get to celebrate her birthday together in a better place where there will be no more tears. God may collect our tears today, but some day, they will be all wiped away. That will be a good day and a fun birthday.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will not exist any more—or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the former things have ceased to exist. (Rev 21:4)

 

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