What does the Bible teach about sexual aids (including BDSM), pornography, and X-rated videos?

Kevin

5 years ago

What does the Bible teach about sexual aids, pornography, and X-rated videos? Can they be used by a couple in marriage together? Is it possible they can make marriage sex better? In today’s culture generally, and certainly with the influence of Fifty Shades of Grey and its graphic BDSM descriptions and depictions, this issue is much more popular. Christian couples grapple with these questions and others like them. The culture teaches that sexual aids (e.g., vibrators), pornography, and X-rated videos help spice up the sex life. Basically the argument goes, if you are bored, need good ideas, want to keep the partner interested, or just want to try something kinky, then turn to one of these areas for help. The key consideration, for those who would suggest these ideas to married couples, is the comfortability factor of the partner. In addition, some propose that this will help keep a spouse from committing adultery.

As Christ-followers, is it actually biblical to use sexual aids, pornography, and X-rated videos to spice up, help, or otherwise benefit the marriage relationship?

Are sexual aids mentioned in the Bible?

No, sexual aids are not mentioned in the Bible. I will deal specifically with pornography and X-rated videos below. For now, consider only sexual aids such as vibrators and similar items.

Are sexual aids sinful, unwise, or permissible?

In the previous blog, I developed six questions to consider related to sexual activity in marriage. These six questions help identify whether a particular act in marriage is sinful, unwise, or permissible. They provide us guidance as we answer this question (some of the responses are similar to the previous blog).

Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? Here we seek direct evidence from the Scriptures that provides specific direction as to whether an act is sanctioned and required or forbidden. The Bible never mentions sexual aids in any way. We want to exercise extreme caution then. As followers of Christ, we should not declare a particular thing sin when the Bible does not call it a sin, nor should we ever declare a specific thing not a sin if in fact the Bible does declare it a sin. In this case, the Bible never mentions it. Therefore, we cannot turn to a particular verse and specifically call sexual aids a sin. Although it would be nice to have a specific verse to determine its sinfulness, there are additional criteria to help us discern if in fact sexual aids are a sin. Is it required or prohibited in the Bible? No
Is it unnatural? Related to this question, there is nothing unnatural about using aids of various sorts. However, extreme discretion must be taken here as well. There are many toys that would fall under the category of “unnatural” as it relates to the style, purpose, and use. If for instance, it is for anal sex, then “yes,” it would be unnatural. However, if the aid is used by the couple to enhance each other’s natural pleasure (e.g., vibrator or penis ring), then it would not be unnatural. Is it unnatural? Depends, this would be aid-specific.
Is it unhealthy or could it cause harm? Is it unloving? As discussed in the previous blog, this issue relates to love. Love seeks the highest good of the neighbor; that is, whatever is best and that which does not harm physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. In consideration of sex aids, some sex aids may foster feelings of past abuse of various sorts. Furthermore, BDSM sex may certainly include acts that would potentially cause harm or be considered unhealthy by some. Is it unhealthy or could it cause harm? Is it unloving? Depends, each case would be different.
Is it unkind? Is it unloving? This question relates to a different expression of love; mainly, is it kind? Wherever there is anything unkind in the sexual relationship, the lack of kindness or the failure to show love is wrong. If in an effort to be sexually pleased, a husband or wife demands to use a sexual aid without the agreement or consent of the other, that would be unkind and unloving. If there is however no demand, and both the husband and the wife would want to participate together, then using sexual aids would not be either unkind or unloving. Is it unkind? Is it unloving? Depends, each case would be different.
Is it against the conscience of the spouse? If a desired activity by either spouse is not consistent with the conscience of the other spouse, then the request for the sexual act or sexual aid needs to be dropped. If the spouse with the bothered conscience is coerced in participating, the manipulating spouse has encouraged sin. To do anything against one’s conscience is sin; in other words, to not be able to do something in faith is sin (Rom 14:19-23). Therefore, if either spouse does not want to participate in the use of sexual aids or a particular practice because of conscience, then the only thing in this instance that honors God is to pass on that request. Is it against the conscience of the spouse? Depends, each case would be different.
What is your motive? What is the condition of your heart? This final question relates to the motive of the one seeking a particular sex act. (I have discussed this earlier here, here, and here.) As we wrote in the earlier blog, consider these questions. Why does he or she want to do this? Is it love? Is it motivated by the desire to give? Does it fulfill the purpose of glorifying God? Will it enhance the worship experience of sex together? Or are there other motives? Is it driven by selfishness? Is it driven by the lust of the flesh? For instance, when a man struggles with an erection and the couple chooses to use a penis ring in order to enhance a wife’s pleasure, then the motive and the practice would be permissible. The motive is to love and serve the wife better in that instance. What is your motive? What is the condition of your heart? Depends, each case would be different

Are Sexual Aids Sinful?

What makes a particular act sinful?

If the Bible prohibits it (question one), it is sinful. In this case, the Bible does not prohibit it by name. or description.
If you answer “Yes” to any of the questions two through five, then the act is sinful. In this case, each of these questions depends upon the particular circumstance.
If your motive is wrong (question six), then it is sinful. In this case, it depends upon the reason for there intended use.

Are sexual aids sinful? Depends, case specific

What about pornography and X-rated videos?

There is a distinction between sexual aids as discussed above over against pornography and X-rated videos. Some “sex experts” suggest and some couples suppose that looking at pornography and X-rated videos (either individually or as a couple) could enhance the couple’s enjoyment and sex life. Across the internet, couples may find advice for how to best enjoy these things together. However, in each and every case, pornography and X-rated videos are sinful and should not be used individually or by the couple together.

Pornography and X-rated videos will be dealt with in another blog post. They were included here just as a general mention.

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