Interesting conversation recently. Possibly my observation is similar to yours. I noticed it on social media.
A person made a specific point for those around him to consider. It was a statement of fact. He brought up a specific problem from his perspective.
The response: hundreds of comments that attacked the person and neglected to address the problem. In other words, the point made was totally ignored and the responses were pointed at the person. Not words of disagreement but profanity, vulgarity, and wishes of ill-will toward the person who made a specific point in an argument.
I’m leaving out the specific details here because I do not want to influence you one way or the other by the problem discussed. Instead, I strongly encourage you to consider how you respond the people around you.
If you hear or read someone’s opinion, how do you respond? Do you attack the person shamelessly or do you respond to the problem as discussed? Is your response directed at the person or do you respond to issue on the table?
Off the Rails
My observation is simple. We have lost the ability to have a conversation. When one person brings up an issue of importance, others immediately respond with personal attacks instead of anything related to the problem.
Instead of saying that a person is wrong on the merit of his or her argument, people say things like, “This person is crazy.” “Have you ever seen someone so stupid?” “This person is a bigot or hater or ______ (you fill in the blank)!” “I’ve never seen someone this idiotic before!” (I’ve cleaned up these statements as compared to what I have been reading on social media in order to not unnecessarily offend. You understand these statements are euphemistic for much harder and clearly non-Christlike statements.)
This is not just relegated to politics. It seems as if this type of dialogue exists on almost all levels of civil and uncivil discussion.
Friends, these things ought not to be.
Where Do We Look for Help?
Let me begin by suggesting a few places you where not to look.
Do not look to the politicians, media, or Hollywood.
Better add the Babylon Bee to that list.
Be careful with some Christian media Twitter accounts.
In some places, do not even look to the pulpit.
The harsh reality is this: we are all sinners and desperately need God’s grace and to be instruments of God’s grace. Ultimately, we will need to look at Christ and the Scriptures for help.
A Way Forward
Let me suggest Ephesians 4 as a guide.
1 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
25 Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph 4:1-3; 25-32)
Discuss the Problem, Do Not Attack the Person
Our responsibility is to be like Christ. We are to live consistent with our salvation. To live should be to live like Christ.
If we are going to fulfill that responsibility and live up to the privilege of being a child of God, then we must learn to listen with the goal of discussing an issue rather than attacking a person in our conversation.
If your words attack the character of a person or assume another person’s motives or tear down, those words need to be avoided. That kind of speech does not build up but hurts, hinders resolution, and sins against the one to whom you talk.
If instead your words focus on what was said or what was done, those words seek to resolve a problem. Stick to the issue at hand. Make sure that what you say addresses the substance of the argument. If you have questions to ask in order to understand the other person’s point, then make sure your questions focus on what there is to learn from the person. When you ask the right question, people have an opportunity to talk, explain, and explicate their ideas. As you stick to the issue, those to whom you talk have much less reason to get defensive, are encouraged, and benefit from your self control.
Please, Let’s Try Harder
I do not claim perfection, although I do strive to lead by example. Yet, I know that I still have room to grow. At times I may guess motives, assume details that I do not know, or speak too quickly or harshly. I pray not. I’m working to get better – but it takes work.
With you trying and me, we can all get better. Those around us will benefit from our efforts to honor Christ in our conversations. At the end of the day, God will have been honored and we will have become more like Christ.
KevinCarson.com | Wisdom for Life in Christ Together
