Be Cautious – Job’s Friends Sought to Provide Help

Recently my friend Jon Ware encouraged us to be cautious – why? Because Job’s friends sought to provide help, yet, Job and his friends struggled throughout the book. Although the friends were there to help, their help was limited – both in content and in manner. Job did not initially help the situation either. Jon’s encouragement:

As a friend and as a Job, there are so many lessons to consider here. I try to break it down for both sides throughout today’s blog.

Job’s Friends Wanted to Help – Their Motive Was Right

Let’s begin with motive. In the Bible, the motive of the three friends is never questioned. They meant well, sought to help their friend, and did something about it.

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him. (Job 2:11)

Catch the progression: They heard, they planned, and they came. None of these things were easy in Job’s day. In order to hear, plan, and come, effort was made to pull this off. They expended their time and energy to spend time with Job. Each of them came from their own place – a Temanite, Shuhite, and Naamathite. How far? We do not know. However, they had to send messengers (absent carrier pigeons, the Pony Express, the telegraph, a phone, CNN, texting, email, etc). They made a plan together; they set an appointment. Then they came.

Go friends! They loved him, reached out, and sought to help. They did not think about it without action like all Job’s other friends. We learn of three who did something. Job – the richest, most successful, most powerful man in his day – had three friends who came.

Job’s Friends Provided Limited Help – Their Manner Was Mixed

The three friends came to mourn with Job and comfort him. Again, praise God for friends like this who do not sit on the sideline but choose to try to help.

What kind of help did they bring? Limited help.

The first seven days went fine. Notice what it says:

And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great. (Job 2:12-13)

They saw the need, had compassion on their friend, and sat down to be with him. For seven whole days and nights, they just sat with their friend. No one talking. Again, they loved their friend and both their desire and motive to do something are commendable.

What else did they do? Beginning in chapter four, they each began talking with Job. They misinterpreted what was going on with Job. Based off of some bad theology (which Job shared as well), they gave poor advice. What they said did not help. More on that below.

Chapter three records Job sharing some ugly ruminations of his heart. Job was not in a good place. He hated the day he was conceived, wished his mom would have let him die at birth, and wished he would just die now. The friends respond with advice, but again, advice that didn’t land where it was intended.

The manner though is the issue here. As they talk with him from chapters 4-31, they became aggravated at first, impatient, and angry. In their anger, they said things which hurt more than helped. As Jon said, they caused additional inner man struggle for Job.

Was this what they intended? Of course not. Is it what they wanted? No. They actually desired to provide help for him but it didn’t go as planned. Instead, they actually provided more opportunity for Job to struggle and hurt.

Job’s Friends Provided Limited Help – Their Message Was Misdirected

As the three friends shared this very long conversation with Job, they and Job all shared two major problems. It is important to understand both because they impacted the message. First, they misunderstood God. They believed in the Doctrine of Divine Retribution, which states that God must treat people the way they deserved (in their own opinion). Since Job was a good man, Job believed God mistreated him by allowing all the calamity in his life. The friends believed that since Job saw all the calamity, then it must mean that Job deserved it. Job viewed his circumstances through a self-righteous lens. His friends viewed his circumstances through a condemnatory lens.

How did that impact the friends’ message? They were not seeing Job primarily as a sufferer. Instead, they viewed Job and his children as sinners. Therefore, once the conversation started, they were not seeking to comfort him; rather, they sought to convert him. They wanted him to repent of hidden sins.

Job responded poorly to his friends. Their misdirected message caused greater harm. Job’s heart in the midst of suffering was significantly struggling – initially with God and God’s plan, then with his friends. He gets angrier and more self-righteous as the conversation ensues.

Further, they misunderstood the situation. None of them – Job included – ever had any idea that Satan and God were in a cosmic battle. They were not privy to the real cause of the trouble. In fact, the best counselors in the world would have missed this part. This is one reason, as friends, we always must approach people with humility. We simply do not know what we do not know.

The impact of their message or help to Job was limited in three ways: 1) because they misunderstood the context of Job’s life, 2) because they misunderstood their theology, and 3) because Job’s heart as a sufferer rejected their help and then minimized their motives.

Total disaster. What was meant for good went down the tube fast.

God’s Message – Forgiveness

God did not allow the situation to stand though. God confronted Job. God spent four chapters on Job.

Initially, Job’s fist was in the air. He was angry at God, at the friends, and self-righteous. Job responded to his suffering in a very poor way. God graciously confronts him. God brings him back to reality with real truth. He helps Job realize that Job misperceived God, God’s sovereignty, and the total situation. The situation revealed deep pride in Job’s life. His self-righteous heart God gently revealed even through suffering.

Job repented to God and sought His forgiveness.

God then confronted the friends. They too thought and spoke wrongly regarding God. They were there to comfort and ended up sinning against their friend. Interesting enough, God offered them forgiveness as well through Job. The friends sought forgiveness because they said what was wrong and said it in ways that were ungodly. They were reconciled to Job.

Help gone wrong. Thankfully, in the end, all were reconciled to God and each other.

What About Us? You, Your Friend, and Your Conversations?

You will want to consider this from two vantage points. First, possibly you want to consider these four issues from the vantage point of the friend. Possibly though, you’ve had some friend try to help you and it was not helpful, you will want to additionally think through this as Job.

A word of caution: If any of this is done on social media, through texts, or some other kind of messaging app, misunderstandings and miscommunication could be everywhere. Assumptions really can hurt us here. If you are a friend, they can hurt you and the other person. If you are Job, they can hurt you.

First, motive.

Friend: Have you approached another with the right motive? Are there any places where you sought to help with a wrong motive?

Job: Do you see past the words and manner to the motive? Have you sought to look at the heart of the friend rather than the hurt of the friend?

Second, manner.

Friend: How have you sought to approach your friend? Have you had a poor spirit? Were your words edifying? Did you get angry? Was your timing right? Did you build up, show kindness, evidence tenderheartedness, and extend grace?

Job: How did you hear your friend? How did you respond?  Did you trip over their imperfect manner?

Third, message.

Friend: What did you communicate? Were your words true? Did you say anything not true about God (the friends’ true problem)? If true words, did you choose the best ones? What about the best timing for the words you used? Did you speak in love? Is it possible you used words that were not clear? Did you speak from a prideful or self-righteous heart?

Job: Was your friend’s words accurate? Did your friend speak untruth? Is it possible that your friend misunderstood your situation? Did your friend use wrong words or simply words that were not helpful? What about how you perceived the words? Did your friend say what was true and you assumed a wrong spirit behind them? Did you receive the words from a self-righteous heart?

Fourth, God’s message.

Friend: Have you used any words that were not true? Have you misrepresented God, His Word, or His plan? If so, you need to seek forgiveness. Is there something intentional that you need to seek forgiveness for related to manner or motive? Did you sin in some way? What is your relationship with God? What is your heart toward Job?

Job: What is your relationship with God? How are you doing with Him? What about your spirit toward your friends? Do you need to forgive or be forgiven?

Be Cautious – Job’s Friends Sought to Provide Help

Friends, keep trying. Sometimes we blow it. Oh my! I sure have. I have been on both sides of this coin; however, most often as the friend since I pastor a church and counsel so many. I sure wish there were re-dos. I would love to go back and change a word, an attitude, a misunderstanding, or lack of quick attention.

In most moments though, you’re going to be just what the Great Physician ordered. We each need to take the risk and try though. With the right motive, seek to bless, serve, and support. If you blow it unintentionally, then hope that the friend will take Job’s position of forgiveness as well. But we must risk it.

If possibly you a friend who has blown it and this blog has helped you remember it, then please reach out to your Job.

If you are possibly a Job whose friend blew it and this blog has helped you remember it, then please reach out to your friend and seek to get it settled.

For both, God is interested in you, your relationship with Him, your relationship with each other, and your testimony for the ages.

Be Cautious – Job’s Friends Sought to Provide Help. Sadly, the situation was worse before it was better. Prayerfully, we can strive to do better.

Image Credit Hian Oliveira