Seek to Help Hurting People – What to Do Next (Part 2)

 

Sadly, people are hurting around us. Part of living in a broken world which longs for future redemption includes the experience and burden of hurting. This past Sunday I shared part one of this article which explored the first aspect of helping a hurting person – seeking to understand that person. This is part two, “Seek to Help Hurting People – What to Do Next (Part 2).”

Understanding the Hurting

In Sunday’s post, I suggested four ways to better understand the hurting. First, think of times that you personally have hurt. In so doing, you can begin to connect in your heart with the hurting person. Second, hurting seems so personal. The person may sense deep loss, betrayal, or question God. Third, hurting simply hurts. The physical, emotional, and spiritual experience of hurting takes a toll on someone. Fourth, hurting increases misperception. As people may very imperfectly seek to help, the hurting person can misperceive these actions because of the additional hurt they may cause in their efforts.

We further considered two analogies to better understand the hurting person. The first analogy is of the person suddenly awakened by a light shining in his or her eyes and, the second, a person’s response who has a significant headache. Using these principles and analogies, we strongly suggested the first step of helping the hurting person is understanding that person.

What do we do?

When I think of how to respond to those who hurt, I often wonder how I want people to respond to me when I hurt. What would I want them to do? What would I not want them to do? These questions help guide my thinking as I seek to apply the Bible to my response. Let me suggest a few key verses and thoughts.

Remember Job and his friends

Job and his wife had it rough. Outside the cross of Jesus Christ, I am not sure there is any greater suffering in the Bible outside of Job’s suffering. As you may be aware (Job 2:11-13), his friends initially did well.  However, when Job expressed his thoughts (Job 3) and said some simply unorthodox things, his friends responded poorly. What began as loving, creative, and self-sacrificial service turned to a nightmare. At the end of the book, the only people God corrects are Job’s friends. Why? Because they handled the situation poorly. They misrepresented God through their words and their care. As we seek to help the hurting person whom we love, we must remember these three friends and seek to wisely minister well.

Listen Well

We desire to listen to the hurting with compassion and care. We seek understand the situation from the perspective of the one telling it. The last thing we ever want to do is understand merely from our perspective, although this is a fine place to start. Our perspective may provide some questions to ask, ideas to ponder, or connect with our own experience of suffering. Yet, we do not want to end here. Instead, we want to press in to understand the person’s situation from his or her own perspective. To speak before listening well and seeking to understand the suffering of the hurting is folly and shame (Prov 18:13). Further, to speak without considering carefully the other person’s complete story is like pouring vinegar on a wound (Prov 25:20). We desire to do neither. Instead, we listen, ask more questions, listen some more, and slowly begin to interpret what we hear.

Encourage first, “Someone cares.”

After we initially listen, interpret, and prepare to speak, even when in your modest opinion correction is necessary, encourage first. Your words need to connect with the other person as a fellow image-bearer. Essentially, a word of encouragement says, “Someone cares.”

We exercise caution here. Many who love Jesus and desire to be faithful to Jesus, when they believe that correction is necessary, jump to correction, often as the first thing they do. Why? Because they desire to serve this other person faithfully. Therefore, if correction is necessary, I need to love this other person enough to correct him/her. Again, this is where we need caution. Where correction is necessary, we may need to be the voice of correction (depending upon our place in the overall conversation and other circumstances); however, we do not necessarily need to start here. Instead, find a place to encourage the person and begin there.

Encouragement does not minimize correction. Encouragement maximizes love, compassion, care, and impact. After encouraging another person, the truth is more likely to be spoken in love (Eph 4:15).

Let Love Cover It

When the Apostle Peter suggests to continue to show deep love for one another by letting love cover a multitude of sin (1 Pet 4:8), what does he mean? He essentially refers to our love making it possible to move into another person’s situation. Let me illustrate it for you. If in someone’s hurt, they are sinning against you or others, it is easy to want to back away from that person. And, why not? Who wants to get hurt by someone else? However, love makes it possible to move toward the other person (who is both hurting and sinning). Like a glove necessary to handle a bird of prey, hand protection necessary for a porcupine, or a hot oven mitten for picking up a hot baking pan, love covers a multitude of sin. The sin distracts, disgusts, and discourages any kind of ministry. Yet, the love of Christ in us covers the sin allowing us to try to get close to offer true help and hope. Yes, the sin must be dealt with in time; the love, though, covers the sin to enable us to offer a lending hand to the sufferer and sinner.

Be Patient with All

Regardless of how the person is responding either to the suffering or in the suffering, we need to exercise the utmost patience. The Apostle Paul makes it clear, regardless of how ever else you need to serve someone, you must serve the other person with patience (1 Thess 5:14). In fact, almost every list of virtues in the New Testament includes some kind of call for patience and endurance.

Weep with Those Who Weep

We again turn to the Apostle Paul: “Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep” (Rom 1214-15). Isn’t it interesting how Paul places our response on our own shoulder, not on the other person. Even when someone sins against you (persecute), we are not to curse, but instead, pray. With those who are happy, we are to choose happiness. For those weeping, we are to choose weeping. In other words, we observe what is going on, and then, we choose what we should do in response. Our emotions and feelings do not reign supreme over how we respond. Rather, our choices toward godliness must be specific, bold, courageous, and compassionate.

Restore Someone Caught/Bear Burdens

For the person who is caught in sin, we help restore that person (Gal 6:1-5). To restore means to bring the person back to a place of usefulness. We seek to help the person take the next step toward Christlikeness, whatever the problem may be. But that is not the only thing we do. We also walk beside the person seeking to help bear his or her burdens. I often call this shoulder-to-shoulder ministry. You walk right beside the other person and help carry his or her burden. These moments take time and energy. We do these things though as a service to Jesus and our neighbor with the compassion of Jesus. Over and over, the Bible explains that Jesus served others as He was moved with compassion.

For the person who is suffering, you essentially demonstrate what it means to fulfill the second commandment, “to love your neighbor as yourself.”

Help a Friend

The Book of James provides us some help too. Here, James explains a few key items for helping the one who is suffering. He especially suggests prayer for the sufferer, or in this case, the hurting. James also recommends calling for the elders if one is sick and confession of sin, if perhaps the suffering is caused by sin. I love the way he ends this particular section, as it pertains so much hope, especially if there may be some kind of sin involved.

My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. (James 5:19-20)

Let Me Encourage You to Begin with Compassion

There are several ways listed above for you to respond to the one who is hurting. Here is the bottom line though, just begin somewhere as you are driven by the compassion of Jesus Christ. Let compassion motivate you to do more and to do better. When you see a hurting person, reach out to serve that person. Let that person know of your care, concern, and desire to serve in some meaningful way. Then, do something.

And, for all those you will seek to help or touch who are hurting, “Thank you!”