You Are Not Alone – Author Interview with Molly Bertles

Over the years, I have had the privilege of teaching and mentoring many students through the Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling (MABC) program. One of those students was Molly Bertles, a pastor’s wife and mother with a deep love for Christ and a passion to help others grow in grace. As she moved toward her MABC thesis, she began researching and writing on a topic that was rarely talked about but deeply needed. What started as an academic project has now become a published book, and I could not be more encouraged to see how God has used her faithfulness to bring this resource to life.

As a biblical counselor, I am thankful for this timely and courageous new release You Are Not Alone from Shepherd Press (ISBN 1633423727). In a culture where struggles with sexuality are often hidden in silence and shame, this book offers both truth and compassion, written especially for women who may feel alone in their battle. Molly writes with honesty, warmth, and a strong grasp of Scripture, helping readers see that lasting hope and change come through Christ. My prayer is that this interview will give you a window into her heart for this topic and the way God is using her story to bring gospel-centered freedom to others.

I recently had the opportunity to ask Molly a few questions about her new book, You Are Not Alone, and the journey God has taken her on in writing it. I trust her story and insights will encourage you as they have encouraged me.

1. Why this book? This topic is often hidden or rarely discussed publicly. What inspired you to write You Are Not Alone, and why is it important to bring this issue into the open?

This book was inspired by my own struggles with masturbation in middle and high school. I struggled silently for years, and was deeply ashamed. I thought I was the only women who struggled with this and thought if anyone knew, they would think I was weird and gross and uniquely sinful. I never heard it discussed in church, and the few times I was brave enough to google it I only found resources aimed towards men. I tried to convince myself since the word “masturbation” was not in the Bible that it was ok, but I always felt so much guilt and shame. It really affected my relationship with God and made it extremely performance-based. I thought God was happy with me when I was doing better with my struggle and extremely upset and disappointed when I was failing. It was not until I confessed to my then-boyfriend, now-husband and received biblical counseling that I truly understood how the Gospel applied to my sin and shame, how God viewed me in Christ, and found freedom from this incredibly entangling sin. Since then, I have been open with my testimony at the churches I have been involved in, and have heard of so many other women who struggle with this. They often know what the world says about the topic of masturbation, but do not know much, if anything, about God’s design for sex and sexuality. They are being discipled by the world on this topic, but are looking for answers. I am passionate about women finding resources on this topic from a biblical perspective that are aimed towards women.

2. Why you? How have your life experiences, education, or ministry equipped you to address this unique topic with authenticity and insight?

When I started my Master’s of Biblical Counseling at Faith Bible Seminary, I knew I wanted to write my thesis on this topic because I had struggled with this and walked in freedom from it for over 15 years. I interviewed ten women who had struggled or were currently struggling with masturbation. I also interviewed authors and biblical counselors on the topic. Then, I spent a year adapting the thesis into a more personal and readable book with Shepherd Press. My personal struggles, MABC thesis, and the research I have done on this topic have been extremely helpful in creating a resource that will help other women understand how the Bible speaks to the topic of masturbation, and also God’s heart towards women in their struggles.  Because I having struggled with it personally, I hope I come across as understanding and compassionate about how difficult and entangling this struggle can be.

3. What impact do you hope to have? How do you pray this book will encourage or help women navigating these challenges, and what specific needs do you hope it meets?

For women who are struggling, I hope they realize they are not alone. I have heard from so many women that they don’t confess this sin because they think they are the only woman who struggles with this. I think it is a way Satan keeps women enslaved and ashamed. The first step is bringing sin into the light. I hope they see that while the Bible might not use the word “masturbation” it does give us “everything we need for life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3). Masturbation is a distortion of God’s design for sex; His word, Spirit, and community can help walk alongside you in this challenging struggle. I also hope this book breaks down what can be a nebulous or disconnected temptation into specific steps that women can use to ruthlessly battle against this sin. I break temptation down into three stages, the “tempting fuel” which is the content women consume and fantasize about during masturbation, the “triggering event” which is an uncomfortable or hard situation women want relief from, and masturbation itself. Disentangling these stages seems unique to the way women struggle with masturbation, and I hope it will be helpful in practically fighting this sin.

4. What was the writing process like? Writing about a sensitive topic like this can be challenging. How did God guide you through the process, and what did you learn about yourself or this issue while writing?

I am so thankful to the Lord for how gently He led me to writing this. When I confessed to my husband 18 years ago, I distinctly remember thinking, “Well I had to tell him, but I am NEVER speaking of this again.” Then, I saw the need for resources in the churches I have been involved with. And when I started the MABC program, I saw the gap in the biblical counseling literature on this topic. I have had many wonderful Christians come alongside me and help me write this book. I was able to write my thesis on this topic under an excellent supervisor, Amy Baker. Then, I was able to work with a wonderful editor at Shepherd Press, Sue Holmes. So that all made it a pretty painless process. I recognize God was slow and gentle with getting me there, and I am thankful for that!

5. How does progressive sanctification and principles of biblical counseling shape your approach? How did your training or experiences in this field influence the message of You Are Not Alone?

In the book I have a chapter on repentance, and what biblical repentance looks like, and then apply those principles of repentance to three specific stages of temptation for women who struggle with masturbation. These stages are the tempting fuel, the triggering event, and masturbation. It outlines what confession, putting off sin, renewing your mind, and putting on righteousness look like in each specific area. I didn’t want the goal of this book to be “stop masturbating,” but “see the glory of God more clearly and change to look more like Him, and stop things that are hindering that.” So it is more than just changing the fruit which was a big topic in many of my classes.

6. What’s one story or truth from the book that stands out? Share a key moment, story, or biblical truth from the book that you believe will deeply connect with readers and why it’s significant.

As I was working on my thesis, I interviewed ten women who had struggled with masturbation at some point in their lives. While parts of their stories were unique there was a common thread of shame that came through in every conversation I had. When I asked how they felt about themselves while they were masturbating they used words like “rancid”, “a monster who was disgusting”, “gross and impure”, “horrible”, “weird”, and “full of self-loathing.” That is really descriptive language! I felt this way when I was struggling, and I hate how this shame can keep women silent instead of reaching out for help. And I would expect many women who read this book might be experiencing shame. I hope the chapter on shame that specifically talk about Jesus’ shameful experiences and how God responds to shame and to free us from all sin, including this one, will be encouraging to others.

7. What encouragement do you have for readers? For someone who feels alone or ashamed in their struggle.

You are not alone! Sam Allberry said that there are two main lies people believe when stuck in sexual sin. First, you are uniquely ruined in your sinfulness. Second, no one can ever find out. I have seen this play out in my life and with so many other women, and I hope they will know they are not outside the grace of Christ. Jesus came to save sinners and comfort sufferers. His Word has answers to our struggles. His Spirit can help us to say no to sin. And His church can walk alongside us and help us grow. If you are struggling right now, I would encourage you to find a trusted friend who loves the Lord and cares about you to confess this struggle to and ask for help.  Sin thrives in the darkness and bringing it into the light is such a powerful first step.

8. Can you tell us about any of the ladies or young ladies who you have seen helped or how it has already begun helping?

I have heard from several women who read the book in the draft phase say this is exactly what they were looking for when they were struggling in the past. One woman said she “wished she could go back in time and give it to her high school self.” I also had a women I’ve counseled on this really respond to Psalm 113. She felt so dirty and ashamed because of past sin and suffering. For her, understanding how God viewed her and treated her despite her past was incredibly meaningful to her. In a recent text exchange, she wrote, “Basically Psalm 113, praising the Lord because he raised me from the dust and lifted me from the garbage heap. My guilt of sin had reason for shame but Jesus took on my shame so I can live as his daughter, placed among princes and given a happy family. I am guilty of sin, but because of Christ I have no reason for shame, and sin has been forgiven. And the most amazing thing for me to think about is that the God who sits above the earth enthroned in glory would look down on me and do that.”

Closing Thoughts

Molly’s courage to speak openly about this often-hidden struggle is both refreshing and deeply needed in the church today. Her story reminds us that sin and shame lose their power when brought into the light of the gospel, and that Christ truly offers grace, forgiveness, and lasting change. Whether you are a woman quietly wrestling with these same issues, a counselor walking alongside someone who is, or simply a believer seeking to understand and care better for others, I believe You Are Not Alone will be a valuable resource. I encourage you to read it, share it, and pray that God continues to use it to bring hope and healing to many.

You Are Not Alone is available now from Shepherd Press, Amazon, and wherever Christian books are sold.

Here is a link to the opening page of the entire series on the Biblical View of Sex: Biblical View of Sex – Introduction to the Series