Over the two weeks in China, I spent many hours engaging the public, watching people, having as many conversations as possible, and making observations. As it is here, it is summer there and vacation season. Plus, we spent over half our time in Dalian which is a tourist hot spot. As a modern and beautiful sea-front city, people travel to Dalian from all over Asia and beyond. We met people on vacation from all over China plus many other nations, including Russia to the north, England to the east, and Canada to the west. In observing the vacationers and engaging the locals, this is one thing they get right – emphasizing extended family.
Generational Empasis
As we traveled on public transportation, walked the streets, visited the popular tourist destinations, and enjoyed the malls, families were together. This should not have been a surprise given that many Chinese families still have three generations who live together under one roof, although this happens with much less frequency than previous generations. However, as a westerner who was making my first visit to China, it shocked me to see so many generations spending time together on vacation. Often I stopped them and would ask them who was in their group. Inevitably, they would explain a three-generation connection, several in their late 90s.
Four observations regarding family life in China
First, Chinese families are small by comparison to most western families. Government regulation allows most families to have two children since 2013. Government regulations prior to 2013 only allowed two children for couples in which both parents are only children; however, now married couples in which just one parent is an only child can also have a second baby. Therefore, many couples now have two children.
Second, the family unit is a central part of life. It is not uncommon for three generations to live together. In the cities, it is less common than the past; however, most families highly value family life. Traditionally, the eldest grandfather is the head of the household and each person respects their particular role in the home. The family unit and name provides a group identity that is highly valued.
Third, Chinese people work hard and long hours; their children go to school for extended hours as well. The goal for most Chinese families in the city is financial success for their children, as this is a key status symbol. They want their children to do better than they. In order to plan for better living in the future, they provide their children the kind of education that will enable them to make money. Because of this, children go to school during the day as in most places. Then families who can afford it send their children to evening school to take specialty classes such as English. On Saturdays and Sundays, the children also go to these specialty schools too. Family time with dad and mom often happens late at night after the parents come home from work and the children from school.
Fourth, since a family’s finances are a matter of cultural status and with their desire to enhance their children’s future, both the dad and the mom work outside the home. Often the children are raised by grandparents who live with or near them. On a daily basis, family time – dad, mom, and children – suffers.
Three Generational Model
With those clarifications in mind, you may be wondering, “Then what exactly do they get right?” Great question. Essentially their emphasis on the role of the family unit as a whole and the contribution each person can make.
Now don’t get me wrong. The four observations above about life in China make clear this is far from a perfect system. However, most western families – and I emphasize even followers of Christ – would be well-served to see the significance of the family unit and the blessings of extended family.However, most western families - and I emphasize even followers of Christ - would be well-served to see the significance of the family unit and the blessings of extended family. Click To Tweet
Certainly the Bible makes this emphasis. The psalmist writes, “O God, You have taught me from my youth; and to this day I declare Your wondrous works. Now also when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come” (Ps 71:17-18). In another psalm, “One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts” (Ps 145:4; cf. Ps 78:4-7).
Even early in the law, Moses challenged parents and grandparents to spend the necessary time together to help the next generation learn. This was a challenge to all parents and family units. Moses wrote, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deut 6:4-7; cf. Deut 11:19; Eph 6:1-4).
The failure to help our children and grandchildren grow up in the Lord is significant. In just one generation an entire family can be lost. One. Short. Generation. Click To TweetThe failure to help our children and grandchildren grow up in the Lord is significant. In just one generation an entire family can be lost. One. Short. Generation. We can’t assume anything. We can’t believe that our family will be different. In the Old Testament, Joshua served his generation well. They saw God do incredible things in their midst. Yet, in one generation all was lost (Josh 2:6-15). Read these incredible words as they describe the next generation after Joshua’s generation had died: “another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel. Then the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord, and served the Baals; and they forsook the Lord God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt; and they followed other gods from among the gods of the people who were all around them, and they bowed down to them; and they provoked the Lord to anger. They forsook the Lord and served Baal and the Ashtoreths” (Josh 2:10-13, emphasis mine).
What does this mean functionally for us then?
We can’t risk losing the next generation for Christ. We must pay close attention to our children. As fathers and mothers, we must put much effort in serving our children spiritually. No assumptions can be made! Your children and grandchildren need you.We can't risk losing the next generation for Christ. We must pay close attention to our children. Click To Tweet
We must value the extended family. There are both spiritual lessons and life lessons that can be taught through the family unit. The Chinese culture gets this; however, they are not motivated by the Scriptures. They understand it from a culturally practical sense. As Christ-followers, we should see it both from the practical sense as well as from the biblical sense. Proverbs makes it abundantly clear that the wise son and daughter listens well to the wisdom of the previous generation (Prov 1:7-9).
We may need to change our family structure to ensure more family time together. This begins in the immediate family. How does your family spend time together? Do you emphasize the wrong things? Is your family a family of individuals or do you work cohesively together? How do you spend down time? Are you chasing other pursuits as adults or through your children that may not actually benefit over the long-haul? How are you doing on this level?
Then consider the next level – how are we engaging our extended family? For many of us, this is not possible on a daily level. Both Kelly and my extended families live in other states. However, are we making it a priority to engage them well? We want to at least challenge our life choices to make sure we are doing what we can do here. Plus, you might look for surrogates who can help. Who are the other godly men and women in the church that you can place your children around to help provide them the relationships necessary to help them grow? Plus, if you are a grandparent who does not live close to your family, who can you build into and bless them?
May we do our best to consider not just our own interests, but also the interests of those around us – beginning with our children and grandchildren.
Check out this link for an interesting site on Chinese culture.
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