Editor’s Note: As students and parents continue to prepare for a new school year, there are several key issues that every family should consider with their children. Regardless of school choice preferences (public, private, homeschool), every parent should not just consider key issues but should discuss certain concepts with their child before embarking on another school year. This blog miniseries will address several of those issues. (Part one – Purpose of Life, Part two – Worldview, Part three – Temptation, Part Four – Christ, Part Five – Loving Others, Part Six – Living Consistent)

How to Deal with Temptation

In some ways, life is a big temptation. As parents, we remember some of the unique temptations that would come our way. The context of a child school age naturally brings about various temptations to deal with daily. Depending on the age, temptations vary. Early on it is more physical with desires raging to talk out of turn, move around, make noises, and have a poor spirit; however, as a child grows the context for temptation also changes with greater opportunities for fear of man, discontentment, and lust.

 

Pressure, Trials, Temptations, and Desires

The four terms each parent needs to understand are pressure, trials, temptations, and desires. Using James 1:1-18 as our guide, let me explain all three terms to you.

Pressure is the context of the student. Pressures are both positive and negative. Common pressures when doing school include having to listen, the discipline of learning, expectations (from parents, teachers, and parent-teachers), deadlines, and structure. Plus adults and other peers are part of the pressure of the child. Basically the child’s pressure includes all the various details of life. I often call these pressure-filled circumstances.

Trials are opportunities to bring God glory in the midst of pressure. Whenever a child responds to pressure in a way that helps the child grow in character to become more like Christ or honor God in some way, that is known as a trial. The pressure-filled circumstances provides the child an opportunity to grow.

Temptations are solicitations to sin in the midst of pressure. Here the child does not respond in faithfulness to the pressure-filled circumstance; instead, the child is tempted to sin. Rather than growing as a faithful follower of Christ, the child wants to sin instead.

Desires are the “wants” or “lusts” of the heart. This is the key indicator as to what is going to happen. James teaches that the desire is the bait or lure that draws the heart away toward sin. As a parent, you do not want to miss this. The child’s heart wants something in the midst of this pressure-filled circumstance. Whatever the heart wants is what will drive the response to the pressure. This is what determines if it is a trial or temptation.

Early on it is more physical with desires raging to talk out of turn, move around, make noises, and have a poor spirit; however, as a child grows the context for temptation also changes with greater opportunities for fear of man,… Click To Tweet

A Simple Illustration

The teacher is talking and every student should sit quietly and listen. Lunch time is in 15 minutes.

The pressure: teacher talking and lunch time is near.

Trial: If the child desires to honor God (that is what rules his heart) in this moment, he will continue to sit and obey, recognizing it is only 15 more minutes. The pressure helps the child grow through the midst of it. The child grows and demonstrates faithfulness to Christ.

Temptation: If the child desires his own way and wants to eat immediately, he may act out, talk without permission, begin to be very fidgety, and disrupt the teacher. Notice, the pressure does not change. But the heart ruled by a desire to please self in this moment (the want or desire) produces a temptation to sin.

So the same pressure-filled circumstance or situation can be either a trial (when what rules the heart is a desire to honor and obey Christ where the student grows in faithfulness) or a temptation (when what rules the heart is anything different than primarily wanting to honor and obey Christ). If the temptation continues, ultimately it brings sin.

Key Bible Passages to Help

“Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” (James 1:13-15).

“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43-45).

Understanding Temptation

When you understand both these verses, it points to the source of temptation as the heart. Essentially, the object of temptation is not the primary key; instead, it is the desire in the heart. Whatever it is in the midst of the pressure that the child wants produces functional control of the heart.The object of temptation is not the primary key; instead, it is the desire in the heart. Whatever it is in the midst of the pressure that the child wants produces functional control of the heart. Click To Tweet

Temptation and behavior are often age associated.

Pressure/Temptations/Trials with their corresponding behavior often tend to follow an age-maturity pattern. For children below the 6th grade here are some of the common problem areas: 1) disrupting, such as unruliness and rowdiness; 2) acting out of order, such as being out of the seat at the wrong time, pushing in line, or some sort of other behavior that is known by the student to be unacceptable; 3) not participating, such as not doing appropriate seat work, homework, or participating in a discussion; 4) ungodly attitude, such as verbalizing or showing an attitude that leads to poor performance or disrespect; 5) lacking courtesy, such as calling names and unmannerly conduct; 6) talking at a time that is known to be unacceptable, such as when a teacher is teaching a lesson; and 7) intentional disobedience, such as purposely and knowingly not obeying a someone in authority with a spirit of rebellion.

As a child grows into middle school and beyond, the context or look of temptation/trial/pressure often changes. At this age, students should be prepared for class, obey classroom rules, be respectful of others and property, be in his or her seat when the bell rings, maintain personal time management, and refrain from negative comments. Rebellious actions like intentional disobedience, cheating, cursing, and fighting with others should not be tolerated. In addition, add various ungodly or unwise responses to lust to this list such as inappropriate touching, sexting, and intercourse. Various temptations can be associated with any of these behaviors.

Teaching Opportunities for Parents

  • Have your child memorize (or better yet, have the entire family memorize) one or two of the key verses above. Be sure you explain them clearly for your child to understand what they mean.
  • Take time to pray with your children to ask God to grant them the wisdom to discern their hearts as they engage various pressures.
  • Work through various pressure-filled circumstances with your child so that he or she begins to learn how to interpret what in the heart produced a particular behavior. The fruit (behavior) always follows the root (what is desired in the heart).
  • Illustrate this principle with a simple picture of a sun (the heat or pressure-filled circumstance), a tree (the fruit either good or bad), and the tree’s roots (this could be drawn as a heart underneath the tree where the roots go and represents the desires that rule the heart). The key for the child’s understanding is this: the pressure does not produce the behavior (fruit) – it is only the context. What produces the fruit is what rules the heart or the root.
  • Practice this with your child to help him or her think through what it is that he or she desires in the midst of a particular pressure.
  • Ask the child the following questions to help him or her discern the root issues. 1) What did I desire so much that I was willing to sin to get it? 2) What did I desire so much that I was willing to sin if I did not get it? 3) What did I desire so much that I was willing to sin if I was afraid I was going to lose it? 4) What did I desire so much that I turned to that as my refuge rather than Jesus Christ?Four Key Questions to Ask your child to help him or her discern the root issues of the heart and temptation Click To Tweet

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