Depending upon who you talk with, there may be many answers to the question, “What are the benefits of good sex?” My guess is though, not many people have taken the time to think through a list of the various benefits of a vibrant, healthy sex life as a married couple.

Thankfully, the Bible does shed some light on this issue as well. There are a number of key benefits discussed in the Bible in relationship to a God-honoring sex life. For sure the law of sowing and reaping (Gal 6:7-10) helps us think through this issue as well. Plus, wisdom suggests there are a number of additional benefits too.

What are the benefits of good sex?

The Direct Benefits of God-honoring Sex

Encouragement (Eccl 9:9; Song 2:4, 7; 3:5; 7:7; 8:4, 6-7).

God-honoring sex motivated by love encourages your spouse. There may be any number of pressures in your spouses life, but good sex helps set his or her mind at ease. Possibly you have had a rough day together even, but in the desire to honor Christ and please your spouse, you bring encouragement to your spouse.

Consider the opposite scenario. Whenever there is unresolved conflict, a variety of pressures, some kind of suffering, or a less-than-best day between the two of you, it is easy to be discouraged. The pressures that affect your spouse may not relate to marriage at all. Regardless of their source, it is encouraging for a spouse to say both with words and functionally through action, “This is your place. I am your person. You can count on me. I am so grateful for you.”

God-honoring sex says this.

Sex becomes like a cup of cool water on a hot day, like deep shade in the scorching heat, like a familiar face in a sea of people, like a warm blanket on a cold night, like the smell of supper after a long day, and like pleasant breeze on a stifling day.

As your spouse faces all the pressures of life – many of which you face as well – he or she is refreshed by your love. But do not forget, you also benefit with encouragement. In an effort to love well from your commitment to give rather than to get, when you watch your love receive your love, you also will be encouraged.

How? Encouraged because you loved Christ and your spouse more than your self. Encouraged because you can offer physically a warm embrace that welcomes the weary, provides nourishment to the parched soul, and speaks words of life in a world full of death. Encouraged because you can provide your spouse with something no one else can provide in a God-honoring way. Encouraged as you see your spouse delight physically in your touch, respond to your words, and be aroused by you.

Satisfaction (1 Cor 7:3-4).

In Paul’s instruction regarding sex in marriage, he instructs us:

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)

He discusses sex in terms of affection that is due to the spouse. He further describes it as each spouse having authority over the body of the other. What does he mean in these instances? Why is affection due to the spouse?

This relates to the issue of satisfaction. In typically gender-specific ways (although by no means exclusively gender-specific), the husband desires the physical pleasure of sex more often than a woman. Most women do not yearn for the physical pleasure of sex but thoroughly enjoy the warm, tender attention provided through sex from her husband. Both spouses are encouraged (as we discussed above) and find good, God-honoring sex from the motivation of love to be very satisfying.

Paul recognizes these general tendencies of some combination of yearning for the physical pleasure of sex, the emotional connection enhanced through sex, and spiritual oneness celebrated in sex. He refers to the combination of these things as it pertains to your spouse as “affection due.” As the one exclusively capable of bringing all these things to your spouse, you have the privilege to serve in mindfulness of Christ and the Gospel. As you serve, you bring deep satisfaction to your spouse, and, of course, because you were motivated in rich and meaningful ways, you enjoy deep satisfaction in your own soul.

Consider how the wise man presented it in very figurative language:

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19)

It is almost impossible to read this text without sensing the deep enchantment provided through the spouse as one is captivated by his or her lover and stimulated sexually together. A stimulation initiated, stirred up, and worked up by a husband and wife who understand the deep worship experience of loving Christ and each other together, desiring to honor God together, living according to God’s purposes for sex together, choosing to demonstrate God’s grace to each other together, and working toward serving each other together. The result: incredible satisfaction.

Protection (1 Cor 6:12-7:5).

Sex not only encourages and satisfied, it also protects. Paul’s instruction regarding sex is in the midst of a warning (1 Cor 6:12-7:5). He writes, “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each women have her own husband.” He continues, “Do not deprive one another except with consent  for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Notice the statements: because of sexual immorality and so that Satan does not tempt you.

Both these statements help us understand the issue of the protection that is provided in marriage for each spouse.

When a man or a woman does not enjoy the benefits of encouragement and satisfaction provided through vibrant, God-honoring sex, they are left in a vulnerable state of weakness. There is affection, as Paul said, that is due them. They long for physical touch, emotional closeness, and spiritual oneness. All of these things are enhanced in a regular, vibrant sex life together. But when these things are neglected, it leaves the other person unsafe, susceptible, and exposed to the danger of Satan’s temptations.

Be very clear here, the sin of one spouse against the other – deprivation and neglect – does not justify the sin of sexual immorality. Never. The Bible commands all people to flee sexual immorality (1 Cor 6:18-20; 2 Tim 2:22).

However, let it also be understood, your deprivation and neglect does put your spouse in a weakened position just daring him or her to stand up under pressure alone – when this is pressure that you are specifically responsible to help burden the load. Both the husband and the wife must take responsibility for their own actions whichever case may be.

What makes this especially troubling is the fact that deprivation and neglect take away a needed protection. Why would any person ever take away protection from another? Why would one determine to leave another – his or her brother or sister-in-Christ, his or her friend, his or her covenant mate – exposed to unnecessary pressures and temptations? In my mind, this does not make any sense, especially if the one spouse is trying to teach a lesson to the other in one way or another because of past sexual temptations.

The deprivation seems counter-intuitive and counterproductive. Essentially one spouse is saying to another, “I know the normal temptations of life are large enough for you to be struggling; however, in an effort for you to truly prove to me your love for me, I’m going to make them even larger. Then we will both know if you love me.” When the motivation should be, “I know you are struggling for which I am burdened and heartbroken, but because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the love and mercy we receive from him, I desire to serve you to help lesson the temptations in your life, even as you work on the temptations. *Note: I do understand there are consequences to particular sin and these issues should be discussed with a wise biblical counselor as you think through them.

Potential for Children (Gen 1:27-28).

Sex provides you the possibility to have children, who are blessings from God. God has granted the married couple the privilege, enjoyment, satisfaction, and protection of sex as a means of obeying Him as well through having children. Being fruitful and multiplying is a difficult task, from the labor on the woman to the arduous task of rearing a child as parents. But in spite of this, God’s grace embeds the process of producing little ones in His image in the midst of a sexual experience in bed which produces great satisfaction. It is always more fun to obey God and have incredible delight/pleasure at the same time.

Sex benefits your spouse and you!

Enjoy sex often. Do not neglect what God has given you for your and your spouse’s good. Participate with full awareness of the benefits God provides for you both in this process. Is it possible for you to be tired, stressed, children-tattered, and worn out? Yes. But do not let sex become the casualty because of it. Find other creative ways to deal with your pressures so that you can serve your spouse in a way that loves Christ and loves your spouse, which brings honor to God.

So, in preparation for the next blog on sex, ask yourself this question, “What is the connection between sex and communication?” Talk with you then.

Part 1: What Do You Need to Know about Sex and Why?

Part 2: What is the Ultimate Purpose of Sex?

Part 3: What is the motivation for good sex?

 

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