Forbearance.
The fourth key characteristic of authentic Christianity is forbearance. Of these five characteristics, this is the hardest one to clearly articulate in one word. In fact, the Greek word behind the English forbearing one another is also translated endurance with each other, putting up with one another, bearing with one another, showing tolerance for one another, and the list goes on. Probably the most literal is putting up with one another. For most people, this may be one of the hardest characteristics listed.
In this mini-series, I explain the foundational challenge of living as a Christian and explore the five key attitudes that go along with it. In the first article, we discussed balance together. Not just any kind of balance, but a special balance: the responsibility we have as Christians to balance God’s call on us (as indicated through the three senses of the Gospel) and our walk or lifestyle. In subsequent articles, we look at each of these five key characteristics of a gospel-consistent lifestyle.
The challenge for each of us is to walk consistent with the wonderful realities of the Gospel. Yet, God enables us to do this, which is the blessing. Although God graciously gives us a challenge, He also provides the ability to live up to that challenge.
Living consistent with the Gospel requires five key attitudes in order to glorify God. Today is the fourth: forbearance.
Five Key Characteristics of Walking with Christ: Forbearance
As you consider each of these five key characteristics of walking with Christ, think in terms of a staircase. Unless you begin at the first step, it is impossible to get to the rest of the corresponding steps. The first step is humility, the second is gentleness, the third is patience, and the fourth is forbearance.
Paul wrote to the Ephesians:
1 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. (Ephesians 4:1-6)
Forbearance refers to enduring something difficult or unpleasant (cf., 1 Cor 4:12), bearing something for another (cf., Col 3:13), or putting up with another. In some sense, it is an extension of the patience or longsuffering that Paul just mentioned (characteristic three). As mentioned above, the best way to describe it is literally, putting up with another person.
Forbearance primarily deals with preferences.
Whereas in the way the Apostle Paul puts this passage together, when he calls on us to be patient, he is primarily dealing with sin, when he calls on us to forbear, he primarily deals with preferences. This is critical for your understanding of this passage. As a humble, gentle, patient person, you then choose to put up with each other in love.
Putting up with each other relates to just persevering together. Without exception, ever person possesses many many different preferences. We like the way we do things, the way we say things, the way we organize, the way we live. And, there is nothing wrong with that. The point I want you to see is that we all have so many different preferences. So. many. different. preferences.
Just take a moment and think with me.
Do you chew with your mouth open or closed? Do you care how others do? What about the speed of your walk? Have you considered the kinds of clothes you prefer? How about the vehicle you drive? Computer you use? Do you prefer the toothpaste tube and toilet paper roll a particular way? What is a set table and what constitutes a complete meal? What about your driving habits versus others (all within the legal limits of course)? Are you beginning to get the point?
You are opinionated even if you are not. However, that is not bad. I emphasize that point so that you will recognize that you have hundreds and hundreds of preferences yourself. We all do.
Whenever then you put one person next to another person, that doubles or triples the amount of preferences present in that moment. They are bound to clash. When they do, the text calls on us to put up with each other.
Marriage functions as the perfect case study. Two people get married and there are family of origin life systems and personal preferences of both that must be integrated into a new, shared life system. This process begins during dating and engagement; it continues throughout marriage. Every day preferences collide with each other.
As I mentioned in the previous article, where patience primarily deals with sin, forbearance and endurance primarily deal with preferences.
More In This Series Balance: More than Just Merely a Goal or Good Idea 5 Key Characteristics of Walking with Christ: Humility 5 Key Characteristics of Walking with Christ: Gentleness 5 Key Characteristics of Walking with Christ: Patience 5 Key Characteristics of Walking with Christ: Unity of the Spirit 5 Key Characteristics of Walking with Christ: The Application – Living Like Christ
Putting up with each other in love
Because this process includes preferences which are based off of personal desires and opinions, conflicts arise. When faced with determining whether or not to prefer another person more than self (cf., Phil 2:1-11), essentially spiritual war breaks out in a person’s heart. Desires fight for functional control of a person’s heart (cf., James 1:13-18; 4:1-10; Gal 5:15-21). To employ this analogy to its fullest, as individuals determine how to work through their preferences in relationship to each other, there is a odor of lusts/desires hanging in the air like sulfur on a battlefield.
The battle of the flesh versus the Spirit and personal desires that campaign in our hearts for control produce an atmosphere where love of self quickly dominates one’s attitude, thinking, and behavior. Our hearts wrap around our desires producing atmospheric conditions which naturally encourage selfish ambition, self-seeking, and self-pleasure rather than patience, perseverance, tenderheartedness, compassion, and graciousness. This natural tendency moves us toward conflict not away from it.
Therefore, Paul delineates the means by which we are to put up with each other. We are to put up with each other in love.
Love of God and love of one’s neighbor, both which are produced and influenced by an awareness of the gospel itself, help keep the follower of Christ motivated away from selfishness and toward selflessness. Just as Jesus lived, a follower of Christ seeks to live as well. Similar to the way that Jesus’ love manifested itself in service to others, the believer’s love should also manifest itself in service (cf., Eph 5:1-3).
Love of God and love of our neighbor compel the follower of Christ in every way possible to put up with the other person. In other words, to willingly give up his or her personal preferences in an effort to lovingly allow the other person the freedom to live consistent with his or her preferences. This is the essential process Paul explains in much greater detail in Philippians 2:1-11. Jesus functions as the most beautiful and perfect example of what this kind of living looks like.
Love motivates, but how is this possible?
The gospel – which in this text is what we seek to live equal to – when rightly understood and considered produces life change. Followers of Christ desire to walk worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ. In an earlier article, I described this kind of living as balanced living.
That lifestyle begins with humility – then gentleness – then patience – then putting up with each other in love.
If you fail in humility, you will not put up with others in love. Unless you are committed to gentleness, you will not handle others’ preferences and prerogatives with care, concern, compassion, and consistency. If you are not patient generally and specifically with others’ sins, then you will struggle putting up with their preferences in love. With an impatience toward sin and the sinner, your natural tendency will be toward imbalance away from the gospel and toward critique, correction, and control. The love you will be most committed to is love of self and not love of others which produces a love of service to those same people, including putting up with their preferences. What may seem like great wisdom and insight to you regarding your or another’s preference may simply be a manifestation of self-love, selfishness, and a failure to do careful self-counsel.
In the moment of each decision, there are only two options on the shelf: honoring/pleasing God (which will always include loving the neighbor sincerely) and honoring/pleasing self. The preferences of others versus your own desires often become hurdles for your own sanctification. How will you respond?
Reflection Questions
- When someone does something that you do not prefer, what do you think? How do you feel? What do you say? What do you do?
- Does your response to the preferences of others typically exude humility, gentleness, patience, and love of God and others or would you categorize your response as something different?
- When considering your preferences or another person’s preferences, do you consciously consider the gospel, the battle between the flesh and the Spirit, the deceptiveness of desires, and the tendencies to want to please self rather than God?
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