Have you ever considered how hard you might be for someone to love you? On the other hand, do you know those in your life who you would say is hard to love? At times, we may all fit in both categories – both hard to love and knowing people who are hard to love. The challenge for each of us is loving someone when it is hard. Further, related to self-counsel, what can we do when we are the one who is hard to love. How does Jesus’ love impact both of these?

Allowing Jesus’ Love to Control Us

For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus:
that if One died for all, then all died;
and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves,
but for Him who died for them and rose again.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15

The Apostle Paul describes the chief motivation for disciples of Christ as the love Christ demonstrated or has for us. Essentially, the one who follows Jesus observes and experiences Jesus’ love personally, then seeks to allow that love to motivate everything he or she does as well.

You might consider this a three step process:

1. Experience and observe the love of Christ.

As one who is loved by God through Christ, the individual believer begins to pay attention to the extent of Jesus’ love. Jesus loves us as sinners who do not deserve it. In fact, His love is contra-conditional, meaning Christ loves you and me even though we absolutely do not deserve it. While we deserve Christ’s anger, Christ chooses to love us. His mercy and grace extends to us even though we love ourselves most and often others insincerely.

2. Continue to think about, dwell on, and be aware of the love of Christ.

Experiencing and observing the love of Christ as an academic exercise or one-time event will fail to motivate you. Not only do you experience and observe the love of Christ initially, but you also continue to think about, dwell on, and be aware of the love of Christ daily. Every morning as we get our day started, we should intentionally review the love Christ has for us. As we meditate on it, we overtly contemplate how that love penetrates every part of our day. Jesus loves us when we fail over and over and over again. We did not deserve His love initially at salvation; nor do we earn His love every day following salvation. Instead, Jesus loves us in spite of what we do. Even after we are saved, we fail to live good enough to some how earn Jesus’ love.

3. Seek to allow Christ’s love to motivate and inform how we love others.

After careful consideration of Christ’s initial love of us (let’s call that salvation love) and how Christ continually chooses to love us (ongoing sanctification love), we seek to apply that love toward others. In a similar way to Christ, we seek to extend our love toward those who do not deserve it. Regardless of their connection with us (spouse, child, parent, friend, coworker, neighbor, stranger, enemy), we strive to love the other person the way Jesus loves us. In other words, we do not demand perfection from others in order for them to receive our love. We do not wait for others to deserve our love. As we receive the love, grace, and mercy of our dear Lord, we share that same love, grace, and mercy to others.

Loving Someone When It Is Hard

32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
34 And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you?
For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back.

35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great,
and
 you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.
36 Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
Luke 6:32-36

Are people hard to love? Yes, without question

Do people around you live in ways that deserve your love all the time – for some, any of your time? No, although everyone is different and their standards may be different as well.

Do you struggle loving someone when it is hard? Possibly. If you would admit that you do, you are not alone. Jesus challenges to love God supremely and our neighbor sincerely because He knew that our natural tendency will simply be to love ourselves. This was not simply true in His day, it is true in our day as well. People had rather love self than God or neighbor.

How then do we love someone who is hard to love? We apply the three steps above in daily living. As a result, we loosen our demands for perfection. We recognize that this person is at least both a sinner and suffer, and possibly a saint too. Furthermore, we look on the other person with love, grace, and mercy.

Here is the formula:

Receive and remember Jesus’ love for me as a weak, undeserving sinner and sufferer —

Put on Jesus’ love as a lens through which I see others —

Then, respond as Jesus responds to me in love, grace, and mercy.

What Can We Do When We Are the One Hard to Love?

Let’s be honest with each other. Sometimes, you and I are the ones who are hard to love. Maybe, many times. As much as at times we may laugh at this or pass it off as ‘who we are’ or ‘what you get’ or ‘I’m not perfect,’ we must take this seriously as a follower of Christ.

Here, we want to think carefully as well about the love of Christ. Motivated by the love of Christ for us, we seek to live in light of Christ’s love, grace, and mercy. We strive to think of Jesus’ values, passions, and preferences; then, we allow those things to become our desires. If Jesus wants us to do something, we try to do it because we love Jesus.

To state it a different way, we live or at least try to live sensitive to Jesus because we love Him and appreciate His love for us.

As followers of Christ then, we want to look at Jesus’ life as our example and do at least three things: 1) Jesus’ love motivates us to be sensitive to those around us to become more aware of others’ desires, 2) Jesus’ love motivates us to be concerned about pleasing those same people, and 3) Jesus’ love motivates us to love others well as we have been by Him.

Where Do We Go From Here?

If you struggle today loving someone when it is hard, let me suggest a starting point.

Instead of simply loving and treating others the way we wish we were treated,
choose to love and treat others the way you are by Christ.

Let’s pray together that this may not only be our goal but also our lifestyle. We are recipients of the love of Christ and prayerfully seek to be motivated, moved, and changed by it.

Image Credit Brett Jordan

KevinCarson.com | Wisdom for Life in Christ Together

© 2021 KEVINCARSON.COM