Do You Assume Motives?

In recent days, it seems as if several conversations have come down to the issue of assuming motives. Possibly you have been on one side of this or the other, where in a particular situation, one person guesses the other person’s motives. Often this leaves one or both parties frustrated, especially if the motive guessed is the furthest motive from reality. For others, assuming other people’s bad motives sneaks up on them. Motive assumption creeps up over time and becomes a destructive, yet hidden deep in the heart, habit. Regardless of where you fall on the experience level, this is an issue worth considering for a few minutes as we want to assume the best motives of others, and respond well when others do not assume ours. Do you assume motives?

How does assuming motives work?

Have you been here before? I was talking with someone and that individual said in conversation why someone did something. I objected saying, “How do you know that is why that person did that? How do you know what that person was thinking?” The answer to me, “Come on, Kevin, you know that is what the person is thinking.”

Here is where we have to stop the conversation. How do we know what the other person is thinking, wanting, desiring, feeling, or hoping?

Whenever you consider another person’s actions or words (or lack of actions or words) and assume you know why the other person either said or did (or failed to say or do), then you have assumed motives. To assume means we think we know a particular thing because of what we think we know, what we can infer from the context of the situation, what we expect is going on, or what we speculate is true about the other person. When applied to motives, we think we understand how another person thinks, what the other person wants, or a strong suspicion as to the other person’s emotions.

Please notice the words I have used in the paragraph above: consider, assume, think, infer, expect, speculate, understand, suspicion. We could add: conclude, estimate, guess, ascertain, deduce, conjecture, hypothesize, imagine, postulate, suppose, surmise, theorize, or judge.

All of these are terms that mean we have used some kind of criteria to believe we know something about someone else, specifically their motive.

The sneaky thing about assuming motives

The sneaky thing about assuming motives is internal to us. When we “think we know” why someone else acts a certain way without asking the other person, or without believing the other person when asked, we become judges in our own hearts.

What makes us “know” about the other person? Often, our own hearts. We know what we would want, think, imagine, feel, or hope in a certain situation, so we assume that the other person would be similar or worse. In other words, assuming motives is sneaky because it reveals the potential motives, thinking, or emotions from our own hearts. We then project our own onto the other person.

As a result, we respond to the other person’s perceived motives.

But, there is the problem. You do not “know” anything. You may know what they said their motive was in the past, you may know other people who you would assume are similar, and you may know what you normally do in the same situation. However, you do not know what motivates this other person without asking the other person.

Furthermore, upon asking, although you may ask some clarifying questions, you must believe the other person. Let me explain.

James condemned assuming motives.

In James 2, the first pastor of the church of Jerusalem and half brother of Jesus instructs us on this issue. He describes a rich person and poor person who show up for the assembly. The rich person is invited to sit in the nice seat, according to James, and the poor person is offered much lesser accommodation.

James then explains that if the person has committed favoritism, then the person is wrong and has sinned. However, James does not end here.

He then writes, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors” (James 2:8-9).

Essentially, James reminds us that the actions of the other person could be one thing or could be another. Where there is room for personal interpretation, we have to leave open the option that it is different than what we assume it was. In our mind or heart, it may be a closed case, definitely-that-is-what-would-motivate-me kind of thing, but we cannot assume that is true in another person’s heart or thinking. Instead, we must leave open the door for a different interpretation.

James continues: “So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:12-13).

Instead, believe the other person or assume the best motive.

There are two options left for us when we see someone say or do (or not say or do) something and we believe we know why. First, we can ask them their motive. This is a perfectly good response. However, when you do, then you must be ready and willing to accept what they tell you as true. As Paul taught, we need to believe all things (cf. 1 Cor 13:7). Furthermore, you can always choose the second option: assume a God-honoring, Christ-exalting, Spirit-empowered motive for the other person. In other words, just assume what that the other person is honoring God, even though you would potentially make a radically different choice.

Do this often and to everyone!

Either ask and believe or believe the best from the beginning over and over and over and over. Seek to honor Christ by doing these two things for everyone you meet, observe, or about whom you hear. If you will, you will find these two things happen. First, you will find yourself much more joyful in Jesus Christ. Because you walk in the Spirit and enjoy Jesus, you will just naturally assume that those around you are doing the same. As you do, your entire spirit will get better. Second, you will find yourself much less judgy. You will break the habit of judgementalism and transition to become a person who simply believes what is best about others. In both ways, you will enjoy yourself much better, will enjoy others better, and others will do the same for you.