In a recent conversation with a friend related to David Powlison’s book Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness, we discussed how God’s mercy impacts our anger. With my friend’s permission, I am sharing some of the thoughts from that conversation with you. I believe you will be blessed as you see how God’s mercy helps our anger problem.
Patience and Forgiveness Acts
From thoughts David presents in chapter 7 on mercy, we came up with our own two thoughts:
Patience looks into the eye of the problem with humility.
Forgiveness looks into the hurt and releases it to God.
Notice how these two statements work together.
Patience with humility
Patience observes whatever it is that is the problem with humility. Humility says that the concerns and needs of the other person are of greater consequence to me than my own. The Apostle Paul both defines and describes this from Jesus’ own earthly ministry. Paul explains to the Philippians, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,…” (Phil 2:3-11).
How can I be patient? I can be patient when I look at the other person and consider that person with great humility. When I consider what this other person needs, desires, might be thinking, or may be feeling more than I do my own self, then I am walking in humility. As I think through those things and become aware of them, I will then exhibit patience.
Often we do the opposite of patience. Instead of humbly considering the other person, we think about ourselves. “What do I want right now?” “What is best for me?” There may be any number of priorities in your heart in any particular circumstance. Those priorities place greater weight on our mind or heart than the concern for the other person. This greater concern for self increases the likelihood of anger.
Think with me through this very simple example.
I am in a hurry to get somewhere and drive upon someone driving slow for some reason. Encouraged by the fact that I am in a hurry, I get angry and drive close to the other person’s bumper, possibly blink my lights, blow my horn, and maybe yell in my own vehicle. Why? Because I am in a hurry and this person is driving slowly.
What about patience with humility? Humility recognizes there could be any number of reasons for this individual to drive slowly. Literally, hundreds maybe. I do not know in my car which of the hundreds of reasons that encourage this person to drive slower than me. I have no idea. However, when I recognize there could be a very valid and important reason for this person to drive slower than me, I exhibit patience rather than anger. I consider the other person’s interests in the moment. Patience increases and anger decreases.
I do not need to know why the person is driving slow in order to demonstrate patience with humility. Humility simply places the other person’s interests as greater than my own – even when I do not know them.
Forgiveness releases the hurt to God
Forgiveness looks into the hurt and releases that hurt to God. In what senses does forgiveness release the hurt? In forgiveness, we choose to allow God to deal with this hurt and the ones who caused it according to His plan rather than demanding my own plan. In other words, forgiveness trusts revenge with God instead of holding onto revenge personally. Paul explains this to us in Romans, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom 12:19-21).
For a variety of reasons, we are hurt. We look into that hurt and choose to allow God to handle the other person and the circumstances according to His plan. In other words, we leave justice up to God. We choose to ask God to handle the other person according to His will and plan rather than us demand justice or insist upon our pound of flesh.
Consider this example.
Someone treats us differently than we expected. In fact, we would consider their treatment rude according to our standards. Now nothing the person did is a “sin” per se; however, it was rude according to the way we perceived it personally. “When that person talked to me, that person did not consider my whole situation, was unkind, did not say the right thing, and was not very thoughtful.”
Forgiveness in this instance looks into the hurt and says with humility that they will trust God with the other person’s motives and whatever His will is for this other person. Vengeance for doing something we believe was against us is given to God. We trust His justice.
Now this simple illustration could be duplicated thousands and thousands of times with various illustrations throughout our day and life. It could be a more specific sin that also includes confronting the other person. Most of the time, we do not know the motive of the other person; however, regardless of their motive, we ask God to handle the justice so we can focus on living peaceably with all people. We want to overcome evil with good – even if it just simply a perceived evil.
How does this help our anger? When you choose to live with forgiveness, you do not hold on to your anger. You allow God to handle the other person in His anger or however He chooses. You then transition to overcoming the evil with good. You no longer hold anger as the way through which you consider the issue. Instead, you move on to what is better.
When you release your hurt to God to handle, it allows you open hands to focus your attention and effort on doing good..
God’s Mercy Helps Our Anger Problem
How does God’s mercy help our anger problem?
Jesus explains that God’s mercy rules as the standard for our mercy. Jesus explains it to His disciples: “Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful” (Luke 6:36). As we consider others, God’s mercy rules in our heart as the hope we have in the situation. Just as God is merciful, we desire to demonstrate that same kind of mercy toward others.
How does this kind of mercy help our anger problem? Consider Jesus’ other words in this same teaching:
But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.
But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. (Luke 6:27-35)
Further…
“Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:37-38)
Here is how this teaching helps our anger problem: when your standard is God’s mercy, then you move toward the person in kindness, not with a desire for you to treat them in justice, but instead, with a desire to overcome evil with good.
Here are four ways:
- Pray for God’s best for that person. “Bless those who curse you” means to pray for God’s best for that person. Ask God to show them mercy instead of justice. Ask God to help them in His kindness.
- Seek to serve the person. Go the extra mile. Be kind. Love the sinner even in his or her sin.
- Pay attention to your own heart without judging or condemning the other person. Recognize the potential of logs in our own eye. The more attention you pay to your log, the better off you will be and the more mercy you’ll demonstrate.
- Trust God with the rest. Allow God to work in the heart of the other person. Pray for this. Expect it.
God’s mercy helps our anger.
Image Credit Annie Spratt
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